Saving My Soul
by jfkkorky
Summary: NM.The Cullens left and Bella develops feelings for Jacob but why is she afraid to act on them? Romance/Drama/Humor/Action Rated M for future chapters.
1. Resentment

_There's so much craziness surrounding me, _  
_There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe _  
_When all my faith has gone you, bring it back to me, _  
_You make it real for me _

_Well I'm not sure of my priorities, _  
_I've lost sight of where im meant to be _  
_And like holy water washing over me, _  
_You make it real for me _

_And I am running to you baby, _  
_You are the only one who saves me _  
_That's why I've been missing you lately, _  
_'Cause you make it real for me._

* * *

I couldn't believe its been six months since my birthday- since the day _he_ left me.

Whenever I look back on the last few months of my life and think of him, it still becomes hard to breathe. Yet somehow ,for the sake of my own sanity , I was able to push the pain deep down and lock it in a little vault inside my heart.

Yes, I would always love Edward and the rest of the Cullens but I was soo exhausted and drained of being heart broken and lonely. I knew without a doubt that Edward Cullen thoroughly killed a part of my soul. A part of me wanted to hate Edward for the way he left me, the way he disregarded our relationship for nothing when he left me in the forest.

On some days I wondered if maybe, just maybe , it was all about my scent. Other days I would try to convince myself that maybe this was some sort of cruel game for the Cullens. Maybe I was nothing more than a pet in their eyes. Eternity is a very long time and maybe breaking a part of my soul was a way in which they entertained themselves.

Sometimes I found myself resenting them. All of them including Alice and Esme. How dare Alice call me her best friend? I shared secrets and laughs with her. We were like ying and yang always finishing each others sentences and laughing together. I considered her my sister, my best friend, and my confidant.

She dint know the meaning of a best friend. A best friend doesn't abandon someone they love. She regarded me for no better than a piece of trash. Something she used and got tired of.

_Esme._

_Oh Esme._

You were like a second mother to me. She told me I was like a daughter to her. Liar. A mother doesn't abandon her daughter . Especially without a goodbye. I probably don't even cross her mind. Do any of them ever think about me? Have they completely moved on , laughing and attending high school somewhere?

Bella you foolish foolish girl.

How did you let them fool you into believing they loved you? Oh how they must have mocked and laughed behind your back when you weren't looking. Your such a stupid naïve girl. Damn those cold heartless vampires!

"Bella, honey are you awake?" Charlies voice drifted up the stairs.

Damn I must have been daydreaming again. I looked at the clock. It was 6 pm. No, no, no I let my mind wander to the Cullens again. I needed to get out of here. I needed my sunshine.

I ran down the stairs , past Charlie, and grabbed my car keys.

" Im going to see Jake , dad. Don't wait up! I love you."

I slammed the front door and jogged to my beast of a truck. My chest was clenching and I was drawing in air in gasps. Im so stupid I knew better than to think of the Cullens. I peeled out of my driveway and pushed the gas . There was only one person who could make me forget all about _him_. I needed Jacob.


	2. Girl Talk

I came to a skidding stop in front of Jacob's house. Of course it was my luck that when I stepped out of my truck I happened to step right into a muddy puddle. Great, and when did it start pouring ? Huh I must have been completely lost in thought on my way to La Push.

I sighed and slammed my rusty door shut. I'm sure Jake would crack a joke or two about Bella, the wet noodle. I ran to the front door and pounded on the door for someone to let me in. Strange , Jake was usually the one pulling me out of my truck before I could register the action. Where was everyone?

As I turned from the door I couldn't help but notice my reflection in the front window. Jeez I look like a joke. My boring unstylish hair hung in wet strands around my face. My face looked ashen and sickly , my cheeks protruding from my face. When did I loose this much weight? I must be down a good 15 lbs since Ed . . . since he and the rest of the family left me. My boring clothes hung on my frame loosely.

No . How did I allow myself to become this pathetic heartbroken girl? When did I allow a person to yield so much power over me? Power which was used to break and kill a part of me when he abandoned me without a backwards glance.

" Bella? Bella honey is that you? Why are you standing in the rain like that?" Emily's voice jolted me out of my trance.

" Huh, um yeah I 'm looking for Jake do you know where he is?" Did he not want to see me anymore ? Oh god please don't tell me he finally grew sick of Bella the zombie.

" Billy and Jake had some errands to run in Port Angeles. Something about wrestling and broken furniture….? " she laughed shyly. " You know how the boys can get when food is involved."

Oh fabulous what was I supposed to do now. If I didn't get Edward of my mind soon I was going to trigger one of my panic attacks and then go catatonic again. On top of that I just felt water seep into my gym shoes. Eww.

" Earth to Bella. Earth to Bella." How long has Emily been calling me? Damn she must think I'm a bigger freak than she probably suspected.

" Awww, honey come on you look like your in need of some good old girl talk. Well get you into some dry clothes and then have a girls night. I'm sure if you let him know Charlie won't mind at all."

Two hot chocolates and a set of dry clothes later I was feeling much better. Emily was fidgeting with a napkin and trying not to stare at me too much.

" Just spit it out Emily. Tell me how stupid and pathetic I am. Tell me I'm disgusting for loving a vampire."

" No. I will not say that because I don't believe any of it. Honey you cant help who you love. That's the way love is. In that way it's both a beauty and a curse. You were in love with a v.. .a boy and that boy broke your heart. It's understandable to be brokenhearted and upset. But honey you need to begin the process of moving on and healing. You cannot wait for someone who is not coming back. He left you and for that he is a stupid boy."

Sigh. She was right and we both knew it.

" I just feel so empty Emily. I feel a void of emptiness running through my heart. I've started to look back at these last few months and I'm soo tired of being hearbroken. I no longer have any ray of hope that he will come back. I still feel like crying but don't want to anymore. Im so terrified that this pain and this sorrow will always be a part of me now."

Keep it together Bella. Don't cry. Talking is theraupetic even if its not talking with Jacob. Maybe its better its not Jake. He wont have to know just how crazy you are.

" He was everything to me Emily. Everything. My heart wants to remember everything but my mind wants to forget. I want to have someone to love but I 'm afraid I cannot. He stole my dreams and crushed my future. I want to smile but all I end up doing is crying."

My voice broke on the last word and suddenly I found myself cradled in Emily's arms.

" Honey, honey it will get better I promise. I know you are still hurting. I know that I really do. But maybe its time to take _him _of the pedestal you have placed him on and realize that maybe there is someone much better out there for you sweetheart."

Well of course we both knew she was referring to Jacob. Sigh. It seemed like everyone in La Push wanted me and Jake together.

Emily and I sat embraced together on the living room couch for a very long time. Silent tears streamed down my face, but neither of us spoke anymore.

On the very last edge of consciousness I registered Jake untangling me from Emily's sleepy embrace and cradling me in his warm arms as he carried me back to his home.


	3. Blue Panties

I awoke to the sounds of pans crashing in the kitchen.

Wait . Where am I ? I was wrapped up in blankets like a burrito.

I was laying in Jake's small but comfortable bed. I must have fallen asleep at Emily's and Jake must have carried me here in my sleep. I just hope that by the time he fetched me my eyes were no longer puffy and swollen.

Sigh. Hopefully Emily was also asleep when Jake came for me because I really hated the thought of her telling him all that we talked about. I knew without a doubt that if she was awake he would have questioned her about why and what I was doing at her and Sam's place.

I inhaled a slow shaky breath and untangled myself from the blankets. I stood and stretched out my achy muscles. I looked like a mess with my tangled hair and crumpled white t-shirt Emily gave me to change into.

Where are the pants Emily borrowed me? Why aren't I wearing any pants?

The thought of Jake taking of my pants in an innocent gesture to ensure I slept more comfortably still had me blushing like a red tomatoe. It's a good thing I shaved my legs yesterday. It's even better that I decided to wear a pair of cotton panties last night instead of one of those tacky looking thongs Renee sent me.

I was positive that Jake knew I was awake by now. For all I knew he probably sensed my blush. Stupid werewolf senses.

I could hear more clatter coming from the kitchen. I opened the bedroom door and could hear Billy's voice drift towards me.

" Yes I already called Charlie and told him Bella slept over. Apparently she mentioned that she was coming here but she never mentioned to him about staying the night. I assured him you guys slept in opposite parts of the house. You did sleep in opposite parts of the house right Jake?"

Ugh yes of course we didn't sleep in the same bed. I couldn't believe my dad or Billy would even entertain such a thought. Did they think I just shared a bed with all my friends? Silly Bella you don't have any friends. Jacob and Angela are the extent of your social network. Well them and annoying Mike Newton.

" Actually pops I didn't even sleep in the same house as Bella."

Huh, this was unexpected. Suddenly uncontrolled jealousy cursed through me. Did Jake have a girlfriend? Did he drop me off at his house and go back to spend the night with her? Wait, did he imprint on someone?! I felt nauseous and scooted down against the floor. The thought of someone else being everything to Jake had me furiously jealous.

" Quil broke our couch , as you well know, so I crashed in the rabbit. Can't say it was a good nights sleep with my feet against the windshield and my head in the back seat, " Jake let out a deep throaty laugh.

Huh. I couldn't help the huge relief that swept over me or the even bigger grin that followed. The image of Jake fitting into, no of sleeping in his tiny rabbit made me giggle.

Then, before I had a chance to even look up, a pair of warm arms lifted me up and crashed me into an equally warm chest. Jacob. I inhaled deeply and reeled in his wonderful scent. It was spicy and woodsy and so completely Jacob. I threw my arms around his waist and smiled against the russet skin of his chest. He squeezed me tighter and I felt something brush my hair. His lips?

"You! Here I thought you came over last night to spend time with your best friend but it looks like you really just wanted to hang out with the carpet in my hallway. I never thought I would be jealous of my carpet Bells."

I couldn't help but giggle some more. It felt freeing to laugh. Does Jacob even realize how much I need him in my life?

"Come on honey I made you some breakfast. I hope you like your eggs on the burned side."

I followed Jacob into the kitchen and was greeted by a smirking Billy.

" Hello Bella its so good to see you again, " he tilted his head towards me meaningfully, "You really should come over more often."

" Thanks Billy. Morning."

Suddenly I remembered I was only wearing a t-shirt and blushed deeply as if on cue.

I looked over to Jacob for help but instead I caught him trailing a burning gaze from my ankles up to my knees and then higher up to my thighs. I saw him linger on my ankles and thighs. His tongue darted out of his mouth to moisten his lips. Cue an even darker blush.

Billy cleared his throat , and then let out a little laugh as he wheeled himself out of the kitchen.

Jacob finally looked up and our eyes locked. His eyes held so much love, longing, and lust. I'm sure my face looked like a ripe tomatoe. I could feel the heat on my face and quickly broke his intense gaze and looked down at my bare feet, fidgeting nervously.

I heard him chuckle.

Getting caught totally checking me out didn't even seem to phase Jacob. He turned to the stove and piled a bunch of scrambled eggs onto a plate.

" Breakfast is served madam", he announced cheerfully and then proceeded to place the plate down while taking a seat across from me.

" Thanks Jake. And thanks for bringing me back here after I fell asleep at Emily's last night. I'm sure I would have been even more confused if I woke up on her couch instead of your bed. I loved sleeping in your bed. I feel comfortable in it and it smells just like you – wonderful. I haven't had such a good nights sleep in a long time. "

Of course for some reason my words made me blush and to save myself from babbling more I shoved a pile of eggs into my mouth.

Jacob just winked and smiled a breathtaking smile.

"I have to get going Jacob. I have to make a stop at my house for my book bag and I'm gonna be late for school as it is. Thanks for the breakfast. I never knew something mildly burned could taste so good."

I put my plate in the sink and started making my way towards the door. Suddenly I remembered that I was still wearing just a t shirt. Where the hell were my pants?

I turned around, and as if Jacob could read my train of thought, he already stood right behind me holding Emily's sweatpants in his left hand. He had a shit eating grin on his face.

I grabbed them from him and quickly pulled them on.

I knew I was red as a beet and I couldn't quite meet his eyes. I was beyond mortified at the thought of him pulling them off while I slept.

" Aww Bells now you know I just slid them off to make sure you slept comfortably," he leaned against the wall and crossed his muscular arms. He was so confident. Everything about him screamed Alpha male.

"I swear I didn't ooogle you while you lay there sleeping. I kept my eyes averted and my mind full of unsexy thoughts. I promise."

I looked at him then.

" Yeah what kind of unsexy thoughts?" I was slightly disappointed.

Wait what? Did I want Jake to think sexy thoughts while he pulled off my sweats last night? Don't be silly Bella, he's your best friend.

" Well I imagined Quil and Embry wearing women's blue cotton panties of course, " he smirked.

That made me laugh. Hard.

" It's okay Jacob. Really. I've got to run. I'll see you soon. Call me !"

I ran to my truck careful not to step on any puddles.

Just as I was slamming my door shut Jacob's strong hand reached out and grabbed it keeping it open.

" Hey Bells!" he leaned in close and whispered, " I completely forgot to mention what's going down at La Push this weekend, " he said this like it was a secret. "I'll call you tonight and tell you all about it. Drive safe honey"

" Alright bye"

I pulled out onto the main road and hit the gas. The truck barely jerked faster.

I let my mind wonder to Charlie, school, even Angela. She might be worried why I'm not there first period. Missing first period meant I didn't have to sit next to Jessica and pretend I don't feel her cold stares. But there was no avoiding her and Lauren during lunch. At least I was glad that Angela and Mike also shared the same table with us.

There was a nagging thought that kept creeping into my head as I pushed my truck towards home._ Well I imagined Quil and Embry wearing women's blue cotton panties of course. _

_Cotton panties._

_Blue cotton panties._

I reached a hand down to my waist and pulled at the elastic band of the sweatpants.

"That ass!" I yelled out to no one in particular.

He did chance a look last night. His words and the blue cotton panties I had on underneath Emily's pants were proof enough.

The huge smile that spread on my face was completely unexpected.

_Reviews, comments, concerns, or advice is greatly appreciated. Obviously this story is just starting out but the chapters will get much lengthier I promise._

_Next chapter up in a day or two. Reviews encourage me to write faster!_


	4. School gang plans

School was boring today like every other day. I walked around from class to class like a zombie. No one talked to me . Since I was always spaced out in class I rarely answered any questions correctly. Teachers must have taken pity on me because they finally stopped calling on me.

The only time I would find myself smiling slightly was when I would think of Jacob. Sometimes I couldn't believe how patient and how caring he was with me. He was far too good to me.

He knows how broken and vulnerable I am, but he still insists on always being there for me. Somehow I believe he always will be. My strong belief in our friendship is what keeps me hanging on to the last strand of sanity. He might be a year younger than me but his maturity is that of a grown man. And that body. Yes his body is not that of a 17 year old boy. I wonder what he's up to right now.

" Bel-la ! You didn't hear a word I said did you?", Mike was waving his hand in front of my face.

It was lunch time and Mike, Angela and Ben, Jessica, along with Lauren and I were seated together around a round table. I looked up and my eyes automatically shifted to the empty Cullen lunch table.

_It will be as if I never existed_.

What a cocky bastard Edward is. Didn't he realize that everything around me would trigger his memory?

" Jesus ,she's daydreaming about Edward Cullen again. It's been months . Stop acting like such a nutcase already" Lauren's nasally voice jarred me back to reality.

I looked at Lauren and she was smiling at me cruelly. Her sidekick Jessica had an evil gleam in her eye. Stupid bitch enjoyed watching me flinch whenever Lauren uttered _his_ name.

I choose to ignore her comment and instead looked out the window pretending to take interest in the school parking lot.

" Anyways", Mike began, " I was wondering if you wanted to come with us down to La Push this Saturday night. Were all driving there in my van that way only one person has to be the designated driver, " he wiggled his eyebrows at Angela and she nodded.

" I don't mind being the designated driver at all guys, " Angela looked around the table and then focused on me." Bella I really want you to come. It will be fun. Please come," she flashed me the sweetest smile.

" Yes Bella please come, " Lauren sneered and rolled her eyes at Jessica who in turn shot me a cold glare.

Bitches. Well now I knew I had to go even if it was just to spite the both of them.

I smiled sweetly at them and turned to Angela , " You know what actually I would love to go with you guys I've missed hanging out with you Angela. Mike and Ben I've missed you guys too."

I purposely left out Lauren's and Jessica's names which did not go unnoticed.

" I might just tell my friend Jacob to stop by along with the rest of his pack. Nobody minds right?," I laughed at my inside joke.

" Not at all Bel-la, " Lauren answered sneering my name. " I heard the Quilette boys are hot. Jessica and I will just have to make sure to look super cute on Saturday," she giggled evilly and then winked at Jessica.

The bell signaling the end of the lunch period rang then and I swiftly grabbed my bookbag and proceeded to shuffle out of the dining hall without even stumbling once. For some reason I suddenly had a very strong urge to also look cute on Saturday.

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"Ang! Angela! Wait up!," I was practically panting by the time I reached Angela at the back of the school parking lot.

" What's up Bella? You know I'm really sorry about Lauren and Jessica those two don't know when to quit sometimes. I should have said something. I feel bad." Angela fidgeted nervously while she said this and I saw Ben give her a reassuring squeeze on the arm.

" No worries Ang really. I try and let their comments roll of my back whenever possible. But I was hoping you could do me a small favor?" it was my turn to smile sweetly.

" I'd love to Bella. What do you need?" she leaned in closer and looked at me expectantly.

" Well, I was hoping you could come to Port Angeles with me tonight. I'm in dire need of some new clothes." Angela smiled. " I cant even remember the last time I went shopping and I want to wear something new on Saturday" Angela smiled wider. " So , umm, I was hoping you could help me pick some new stuff out?"

Why is she looking at me like that?

" Well?" I asked suddenly nervous.

" Jacob?" she whispered his name like it was a question.

What was she hinting at? Finally it hit me. She thought I wanted to look cute for Jacob Black. I swallowed the urge to laugh out loud and answered her calmly.

"No, jeez no Angela he's just a friend. I really do need some new clothes that's all."

Angela's smile disappeared and she whispered in my ear, " Bella it's alright to have feelings for someone else than, well than him, you shouldn't hang on to a false hope anymore. I see the way your eyes sparkle whenever you mention Jacob's name. No worries though , your secret is safe with me."

I choose not to say anything and just nodded. I didn't feel like explaining to her that Jacob was my sunshine and that I would forever be in love with a vampire.

We agreed that I would pick her up from her house in an hour to go to Port Angeles. I bid her goodbye and climbed into my truck to go home.

I really did just need new clothes didn't I ? Angela was completely wrong. Of course I loved Jacob but I was not in love with him. I already gave my love away. It's too bad that _he_ choose to step on it. Yes, Jacob was beautiful , handsome even, but that just meant I wasn't blind to the obvious. Fine, so I knew a part of me wanted to look cute on Saturday because Jacob would be there. But no ,that wasn't the reason I wanted to look cute. Those two bitches Lauren and Jessica would be there and they'd have to walk over my dead body before I let either of them sink their claws into _my_ Jacob. I was simply protecting what's mine. A cute set of clothes would simply give me the confidence to do it more effectively.

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I smiled to myself as I hung all my new clothes in my closet. Shopping with Angela was a lot of fun. We walked around the whole mall and I was even a little surprised to find out that I actually enjoyed myself. She helped me pick out the perfect outfit for this Saturday – a pair of black skinny jeans paired with very feminine black sandals, and an off the shoulder blue top. It was nice but not overly dressy. A small part of me was undeniably curious to actually see Jacob's reaction to my outfit. As soon as I started thinking about Jacob the phone rang. I ran down the stairs and answered breathlessly.

" Hello?"

" Hey Bells! It's your best friend calling!" he sang out cheerfully. It was so good to hear his voice. I saw him this morning but I already missed him terribly.

" Jake , hey, I miss you already! What's up?" I sang out just as cheerfully as I made my way upstairs.

" Did you forget? I 'm calling to tell you what's going down at La Push this Saturday night!"


	5. Bonfire part one

" _Hey Bells! It's your best friend calling!" he sang out cheerfully. It was so good to hear his voice. I saw him this morning but I already missed him terribly._

" _Jake , hey, I miss you already! What's up?" I sang out just as cheerfully as I made my way upstairs._

" _Did you forget? I 'm calling to tell you what's going down at La Push this Saturday night!"_

* * *

" Saturday oh yeah I hope it's nothing big cause I promised my friends from Forks that I would join them at a bonfire at first beach." I waited for a response but there was only silence so I continued. " Well anyways, you and the rest of the pack are all invited of course."

" You promised them that you would go?" he sounded disappointed. " It's just the elders and the whole pack are having a bonfire up on the cliffs. I'm even carrying Billy up there in his wheelchair. I would really like for you to be there Bella. I have a feeling it's going to be special, " he almost sounded nervous towards the end.

Damn I wasn't the biggest fan of those tribal bonfires. The elders always looked at me strangely and seemed to gossip about me behind their backs. Of course when I asked Jacob about it he vehemently denied it. Another bonfire on the cliffs was the big secret happening this Saturday? Excuse me if I'm a little disappointed.

" Aww, Jake you know I like going with you to all your bonfires even if I feel like all the elders are watching me strangely. You know I don't feel one hundred percent comfortable there ,but I go because its important to you and it gives me a chance to spend time with you and the rest of your friends." I started to drum my fingers nervously on my desk. " So, umm, well would you be very mad if I told you I don't want to go this time and to instead meet me afterwards at the Forks bonfire on first beach? " More silence. " I'm pretty sure my friends from Forks are planning to drink a little and stay up until dawn." Why was he being so quiet? " So just come join us after the tribal bonfire is over."

" You really don't want to come even though I really want you to be there?" his voice sounded detached. Uh oh he was upset but would never admit it.

" C'mon Jacob please don't be mad at me, its just that you know that I haven't hung out with any of my friends from Forks in months. I already promised them I would come and I really don't want to back out now. Please understand this Jake. " I started pacing around my room and pulled at my hair nervously. Why was he so upset over this?

He exhaled a long breath and answered , " fine Bells, fine whatever you want. I'll see you at your friends bonfire on Saturday. I have to go honey , I have patrol tonight. Sweet dreams."

Before I even had a chance to say goodbye he had already hung up the phone. How strange .Jacob was really disappointed that I wouldn't join him at his bonfire. I've been to every single one that he's asked me to go to. I don't understand what the big deal is if I skip out this one time. Maybe he was just jealous that I would be hanging out with some other friends this one Saturday. Silly Jacob, didn't he know he was the most important person in my life? The thought of him being jealous over any of my friends from Forks was completely ridiculous. I turned off the light and climbed under my covers. I made sure to focus on Jacob's face before I fell asleep in order to keep nightmares of_ him _away.

* * *

Friday passed by in an uneventful blur. I daydreamed though all my classes and ignored Lauren's cold looks during lunch. I only spoke to Mike and Angela briefly, when we had agreed that they would all pick me up last, around seven pm. I spent Friday evening doing homework. Jacob didn't even call to say hi. I pretended not to notice.

I decided to sleep in late Saturday in order not to mope around the house all day. By the time I crawled out of bed it was already past 1 in the afternoon. I spent another thirty minutes under the shower getting clean and relaxing my muscles under the hot water. Once the water turned cool I turned off the shower , wrapped myself up in a fluffy towel, and proceeded to study my face in the mirror. Yes, I would definitely need to do something with my hair and shape my eyebrows before tonight. I didn't want to feel like the ugly duckling or just one of the guys tonight. I've overheard Mike mention to Ben that some of his brother's friends might stop by the bonfire for a while and well, maybe it would be nice to be noticed by some boy tonight and show Lauren that I'm not sociably handicapped.

First I started with blow drying and then straightening my hair, making sure all the fine frizzes were gone. Since I was wearing an off the shoulder blouse tonight, I decided to sweep my hair into a low loose ponytail which I draped over my left shoulder. Next was some minimal brow shaping which had me wincing and tearing up every time I pulled a hair out. After I moisturized and applied a face mask on, I skipped my way down into the kitchen for a late breakfast. I looked at the clock, it was already past four pm. Charlie would be home any second.

I really hope Charlie won't mind an egg and cheese omelet for dinner.

As soon as the omelet was ready and I was about to set the plates I heard Charlie's cruiser pull into the driveway.

" Hi Dad how was work today? Catch any criminals?" I snickered sarcastically. Nothing ever happened in Forks.

" No, no but if you happen to see any make sure to send them my way alright?" he was in a great mood- good.

Charlie didn't even seem to notice that he was eating breakfast for dinner. Maybe he was just too exhausted to voice his observation.

" So what's up with the mask on your face Bells, I take it your going out tonight? Jacob's again?"

"Actually I'm going out with Angela and Mike from school to a bonfire at first beach. Jacob will also be there" don't ask about booze please don't ask about booze. I didn't feel like lying to him about that.

" Alright, well I'm glad your hanging out with your friends again Bells. Don't stay out too late" he mumbled in between bites.

After cleaning up in the kitchen I went upstairs to get dressed for tonight. I decided since I was dressing up, I might as well put on some nicer underwear to make me feel more feminine and boost my confidence. So I pulled on a pair of lacy black boy shorts and a black satin push up bra. Strapless unfortunately because of the blouse, but my disappointment quickly faded once I realized how comfortable it actually was. I pulled on the new black skinny jeans and blue blouse I bought. The blouse hung dangerously low off my shoulders exposing my entire shoulders and a lot of skin under my collarbones. In the back most of my shoulder blades were also exposed. I actually felt pretty sexy. I finished up my look with some mascara and clear lip gloss. I looked at the clock, it was almost seven.

I only had to wait a few minutes before Mike pulled up in his van. I yelled goodbye to Charlie and ran out the door.

As I descended the front stairs and looked up I couldn't help but stifle a smile at Mike's expression. His mouth hung open and his eyes were darting up and down my frame quickly. Guess I clean up nicely.

" Bella you look great! C'mon you can sit up front with me. Ben doesn't mind moving to the back" again I tried not to laugh.

I climbed into the front seat and turned around to say hi to everyone. Angela looked adorable in a yellow cotton dress and jean jacket. Lauren had on the shortest pair of khaki shorts and a spaghetti tank top which clung to her body tightly. Her face was caked with makeup and she had on the tackiest hot pink lip gloss ever made. Jessica's face was not much better. Her outfit was a little less trashy though- tight jeans and an even tighter tube top. I lied and proceeded to tell them they all looked great. Angela was the only one to gush over how I look while Lauren and Jessica just glared at me.

We made a quick stop at the liquor store, where Mike proceeded to buy some vodka on a very bad fake I.D., and then drove down to first beach. We ended up finding a nice private place on the beach that was hidden from view by some large rocks. Angela and I spread some blankets around while Mike and Ben started the fire.

" Mike, your other friends are coming down right?" Jessica inquired.

"Yeah, they should be here shortly and guess what ladies? Their bringing even more liquor and a tent in case someone gets too trashed!" he waved a piece of driftwood excitedly as he said this.

Ben and Angela were cuddled together on one of the blankets. Jessica was fidgeting with her tube top on a blanket across from them while Lauren sat down next to me of all places and started to reapply more of her stupid pink lip gloss. Mike was busy opening the liquor and pouring everyone a drink.

" So, " Lauren drawled, " it's nice to see you looking halfway decent Bella. It's about time you put some effort into your appearance."

I took a long sip of my drink in order to buy me some response time.

" Not tonight Lauren seriously. Could we all just try and have some fun? " interjected Angela.

" Oh it's alright Ang really. I know that once all those boys show up Lauren's focus will be on them. Everyone knows that" I giggled and winked at Angela in order to downplay the subtle insult directed at Lauren. She must have caught it because from the corner of my eye I caught her stiffen up and then roll her eyes. One thing I didn't want tonight is for her to be angry at me because then I would have to deal with her bitchiness all night.

Mike stretched out flat on a blanket next to me. " Look at all the stars tonight guys. There's not a single cloud in the sky. It's unusually warm too. Perfect weather for skinny dipping if you ask me. Anyone up for it later?" he lifted his head of the blanket and looked at all the girls expectantly.

" Not a chance" I muttered quickly.

"Over my dead body" Jessica laughed.

" You want me naked so badly Mike?" Lauren swept her hair behind her shoulder and batted her eyelashes at Mike. She must be the most egotistical person I have ever met.

" Not tonight Mike" Angela answered sarcastically.

" Yeah not tonight babe, tonight it's my turn to be naked in the ocean with Mike!" Ben yelled out and everyone broke out into laughter.

Our laughter died down when we heard male voices coming from the other side of the rocks.

" Ohh Mikey!" someone yelled out. " Were here the party can start now!"

Three guys stepped out of the shadows and casually strolled towards us. All three looked to be around 20 years old and all were pretty good looking. The tallest one was carrying a bottle of liquor, another boy had a folded tent in his hands, and the third one was balancing a small radio on his shoulder.

"Everyone , these are my friends Tom, Steve, and Jack. Guys , these are my friends Ben and Angela, " Ben nodded and Angela waved at the boys, " Jessica and Lauren" Jessica tried to smile seductively while Lauren winked. " And last but not least this is Bella" I smiled and said hello.

Throughout the whole introduction Tom never took his eyes off of me. Fabulous. I would just have to make sure not to engage in one on one conversation with him. I wonder how much longer till Jake and the rest of the pack show up?

The boys quickly put the tent together and poured themselves drinks. I pretended not to notice that their drinks consisted of mainly vodka with a splash of cola for color. The rest of us were on our second drinks of the night.

Somewhere, deep in the forest behind us, we all could hear a wolf's beautiful howl. Jessica scooted closer to one of the new guys, Steve? He smirked and casually put his arm around her shoulder.

" No worries ladies" Tom spoke up and winked at me. Ugh. " I'll protect you. Wolves don't scare me. "

It took everything I had not to bust out laughing. Oh Tom I thought , you've never seen wolves like these.

Tons more to come before the pack shows up! Is Jacob mad at Bella? Tons of surprises in store!

Please review


	6. Bonfire part two

THis is a shorter chapter but I promise to update with a much longer one in about a day or two. Please comment and review!

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" Stop! Please your going to make me pee if you don't stop!" Jessica screamed in between a fit of giggles. Steve was sitting on her chest and tickling her sides.

Angela was wrapped up in a blanket with Ben and I was pretty sure there was some groping going on underneath that blanket. Angela looked just a little bit too guilty.

" Bella has pretty hair" Tom announced a little drunkenly and took a lock of my hair into his hand.

" Umm, thanks" I said shyly as I pulled my ponytail across my right shoulder and away from Tom's hands. He stared at my exposed shoulder. I scooted further away from him when he turned his head to speak to Mike. I could hear Lauren snicker.

"Let's play I've never , " Lauren suggested as she finished her fourth drink. Her speech was slightly slurred. All the guys immediately perked up and nodded their heads yes in agreement.

" Now the night is getting interesting. So who's first?" Mike asked looking around.

" Bella, you've been so quiet tonight. We wouldn't want you daydreaming about anyone" Lauren sneered looking directly at me. " How about you go first, huh?" Bitch.

" Alright", I tried to act like her comment didn't anger me and thought for a second." I've never talked bad about a friend behind his or her back" I said this and pointedly looked at Lauren then Jessica. Jessica didn't meet my eyes while Lauren smiled at me. Everyone except Ben, Angela, and me took a sip of their drinks.

"I'll go next " Lauren announced quickly. She got an evil gleam in her eye and I couldn't help but gulp reflexively. I shouldn't have gotten on her nerves. She could be such a bitch.

"I've never gone catatonic after a boyfriend broke up with me" she smiled widely at me then laughed. My breath hitched in my throat and I felt tears swell up in my eyes. There was a thick awkward silence. Mike's three friends looked around confused. I didn't take a sip of my drink, I didn't do anything. I just stared at Lauren, her eyebrow raised, obviously waiting for me to take a drink.

" That's enough Lauren!" Angela untangled herself from Ben's lap and sat down next to me.

" Bella ? Are you alright? "Angela asked as she wrapped a hand around my shoulders. I could hear Mike scolding Lauren in the background. Am I alright? You know what I thought to myself, I'm so tired of not being alright. I'm tired of being made fun of and ridiculed by shallow people like Lauren. I was tired of all this pain I was carrying around all the time. Edward , damn you wherever you are, one day I will find a way to make it without you. I deserve to be happy. I don't know if it's because I was slightly tipsy or just really angry but, NO, I refused to give Lauren the satisfaction of making me upset, not this time. I met Lauren's eyes again.

" I'm fine Angela, really, Lauren's bitchiness and resentment just caught me off guard." Silence around the bonfire.

" Please Bella, everyone knows you're barely keeping it together. Look at you. You. Are. Pathetic." She waved her hand towards me like what she said was painfully obvious.

" Actually, I think she's the most beautiful and kind girl I have ever laid eyes on."

Jacob! Oh thank God he's here.

Just as I was about to turn my head to look at him he scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder. He started walking away from the bonfire and towards the water. I could see Quil, Sam with Emily, Embry, Paul, and even Leah with Seth all taking a seat around the bonfire. Jessica and Lauren were openly gawking at all of them while Mike and his friends looked intimidated.

" You'll excuse me, but it's been two whole days since I had any time with my girl, " Jacob called over his shoulder as he carried me down the beach.


	7. Bonfire part three

" Bells, are you alright?" Jacob's voice was saturated with concern and with love. He set me down on a piece of driftwood and crouched down in front of me taking my small hands into his big strong ones.

" Oh Jake, I'm so glad you're here!" I pushed of the driftwood and slammed into him, snaking my arms around his neck. I could tell my action startled him for a split second because he stiffened up before letting out a husky laugh and kissing the top of my head. His warm hands encircled me completely.

"Well hello to you too honey, but honestly are you alright? I heard what that girl said back there ."

" I'm sure I would have probably been really upset if you wouldn't have shown up at the perfect time." I rested my cheek on his shoulder still holding him tightly. " Now I'm just more angry than anything and you know very well how much I hate violence , but I have a very strong urge to go back there and punch her in the face."

Jake laughed and then stood up effortlessly with me before turning around, sitting on the driftwood, and placing me in his lap.

" There you are. I've missed your face. You know its a shame that…" he paused midsentence and seemed to really take in my appearance for the first time tonight. His eyes bulged and then quickly turned so smoldering that for a split second I thought the heat of his gaze would burn me. His eyes were saturated with longing and with raw lust, something I saw more and more of lately. His whole face was utterly aglow, every feeling he has ever had for me was beaming out of his very skin. I was overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of his face, by the countless ways in which he expressed his emotion, by the utter and infallible truth of it.

If it wasn't for the fact that I was a little drunk I'm positive my cheeks would have been a deep shade of crimson. Instead, driven by liquid courage, I smiled and asked him what he thinks.

" Bella," he breathed and his gaze dropped to my lips. His hand came up as if to cup my cheek. It hovered in midair for a few seconds before he let it fall back to his side.

" There are no words… nothing I say could… your skin… you look so positively breathtaking, " the last few words a breath of whisper. For some reason it really pleased me that he clearly liked what he saw and that he had such a difficult time expressing it. However, it must have registered somewhere that I never blushed or squirmed under his intense gaze because he straightened up and his eyes appraised my face worriedly. The mood shifted.

" You've been drinking, " it wasn't a question.

I shrugged.

" How are you feeling? Are you dizzy at all?" he had a concerned look in his eyes but I could still feel his gaze leave trails of liquid fire across my face.

" I'm fine Jake, honest. I'm not dizzy at all and I actually feel really good." I smiled at him sweetly hoping to appease his concerns. "Now tell me why you were upset about me bailing out on your bonfire. Don't you dare deny it." I tried to give him a stern look but he just chuckled. I grew a little concerned when he didn't answer me right away, but instead stared at the ocean with a faraway look in his eyes. I suddenly felt nervous and somewhat guilty for not attending that stupid bonfire.

" Jacob? Are you very mad that I didn't go? Please tell me." I grabbed his chin and tried to make him look at me but he didn't even budge an inch.

" Don't be silly Bella. I could never be mad at you." He exhaled sharply and turned his gaze to me. " But I won't lie. I really did want you to be there tonight. Tonight wasn't an ordinary bonfire. It was a passing of the baton of sort you could say."

Oh no. I clearly missed something very important to Jake. Is he disappointed that I choose to hang out with people like Lauren over him? I feel like such an ass. I'm a horrible friend.

" Jake I didn't …" he placed two fingers over my mouth and shook his head. I grew even more nervous.

" I became Alpha of the pack today Bells." What? But how ? Wasn't Sam the Alpha? Tons of questions ran through my mind but I was unable to voice any of them because Jacob still had his fingers on my lips keeping me quiet.

" I wasn't born to follow orders . I know it and the rest of the pack knows it. It doesn't mean that Sam was a bad Alpha. It's just that when we were all phased and together as a pack, everyone's instinct screamed for them to listen to me. Even Sam's. Instead we pushed ourselves to overrule that instinct and instead listened to Sam. It wasn't natural. Sam came to me a few days ago and told me he would relinquish his Alpha status to me. " He smiled and continued, " so today's bonfire was in my honor."

Oh no, no,no. I am a horrible person. Why couldn't I have just been a good friend and attended that bonfire when he told me he really wanted me there? Instead I missed out on this very important day for Jake to hang out with people like Lauren and three strange boys. I'm such a fool. And why didn't Jake just tell me what the hell was going down tonight ?! What's wrong with him?! I would have agreed to come in a heartbeat if I would have known the importance of tonight's bonfire. I'm a miserable excuse for a best friend. He must be so disappointed.

I flew out of Jacob's lap and began to march down the beach, towards the water. I could feel Jacob following me.

" Bells don't be upset with yourself. It's alright, no big deal really." his voice was soft and meant to be soothing. I turned on him.

" No big deal?!? Jacob I missed out on one of the most important days in your life! And for what? To be bullied by that bitch Lauren?!" I was growing angry now, my voice increasing in volume. "Don't you dare tell me this is no big deal! It was my duty as your best friend to be there and I wasn't. Wait. You!!" I poked an accusing finger at his chest. " Why didn't you just tell me what the hell was going on at tonight's bonfire?! What is wrong with you?!" I screamed directly at him, but he didn't even flinch. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure he looked a little amused.

" And wipe off that stupid smirk of your face Jacob Black!"

When instead he crossed his arms and smirked even more I decided to do it for him by punching him in the chest. I didn't care that this would hurt me a lot worse than it would hurt him. Of course my fist never made contact because Jake seemed to effortlessly reach out his hand and grab my fist into his palm. Stupid werewolf reflexes. He was looking down at me with a raised eyebrow, and I could tell he was trying really hard not to laugh.

He pivoted my body purposely and brought my back against his chest. His hands dragged along my naked shoulders before they formed a cage around me. I could feel his hot breath against my ear, " Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are when you're angry?" his voice smooth and seductive. A shiver of pleasure ran down my spine. I could feel his lips curve into a smile against my ear.

My stomach filled with butterflies and a strange warmth began to spread throughout my limbs. It seemed to jar me back to reality and out of my drunken stupor. What the hell are we doing? What the hell is Jacob doing?! He was really stretching our friendship line to its fullest tonight. Suddenly his proximity became too much and my whole body stiffened of it's own accord. Jacob immediately released me and carefully gauged my reaction. I didn't want this to be weird between us so I decided to downplay it. I needed a distraction fast.

I began to march towards the water purposely.

" I'm going to go drown myself now for being such a bad friend." I announced sarcastically. I knew humor would dissipate any awkwardness between us.

By the time I reached the water's edge Jacob still hasn't spoken. H appeared next to me silently and began to take off his shoes.

" What are you doing? " I asked sincerely confused.

" What do you mean what am I doing? If you're leaving this earth then so am I. I can't live without you. It's impossible." He waved his hand in an annoyed gesture as if his words should be blatantly obvious to anyone. Before I had a chance to retort with a witty remark or smack him on the head, a larger wave caught us both of guard and ended up drenching my jeans from the knees down. The water's temperature made me gasp and jump back.

" Here Bells." Jake pulled me back a few feet and then sank to his knees in front of me gesturing for me to put my foot on his thigh. I blushed but did as he asked. I was surprised at the hardness of his muscles underneath my foot. He began to gently roll up the wet denim.

" This is just for now so that you don't get your jeans dirty with sand. Once we get back to the bonfire I'll roll them down and they should dry in no time," he explained as he worked. His face was at level with my abdomen and it was so close that he could simply lean forward and circle my belly button with his nose if he wanted to. I trusted him completely and knew he wouldn't push the boundaries any further. At least not tonight. When his thumbs grazed my thigh with a touch so light I could cry, I was forced to grip on to his shoulders for balance. Warmth shot through my body instantaneously at having been touched somewhere where no one has ever touched me before. I looked down to read his expression and if it wasn't for the slightest trembling of his hands, he would have been the perfect face of calm.

He stood up and dusted off his hands.

" So you're really not mad Jacob? You swear?" I grabbed his hand in a gesture which would hopefully reassure him that I didn't mind his flirtations from before.

" I swear, " he squeezed my hand.

" Good." I started dragging him back in the direction of the bonfire. "Now, let's get back to the bonfire before all the booze is gone."


	8. Bonfire part four

Love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love,

I'm just falling to pieces.

"Wreck of the Day" – Anna Nalick.

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" There you are Bella! A was a little worried that Jacob would never give you back," Emily smiled at me sweetly and motioned for me to take a seat next to her. I squeezed myself between her and Seth. Jake sat down and leaned against one of the boulders across from me and started talking with Sam. Every so often he would catch my eye, and a slight, soft smile would twist his lips. More often than that, I would feel his gaze scorch my collarbone, the shape of my ear, the side of my thigh, and look up just in time to see his eyes sliding quickly and guiltily away.

I rolled down my jeans stretching my legs out and looked around at everyone.

Mike was engaged in a heated discussion with Steve, Paul, and Embry. Something about car performance? Tom was busy replenishing everyone's drinks. Ben and Angela were stretched out on a blanket looking at stars.

She looked up at me and mouthed the words, " are you okay?" I nodded.

Jessica and Lauren were still openly ogling all the guys. Lauren must have sensed me looking at her because she suddenly turned and looked at me. Her expression showed no remorse for what she had said earlier. She held my gaze for a few seconds before turning away.

" What's up with the matching tattoos on the arms?" Jessica asked no one in particular as she examined Seth's tattoo on his right bicep. " Are you guys all in a gang?" she was looking at Paul now. "Or is it a Quilette thing?" The whole pack laughed loudly before Leah spoke up.

" I guess you could say it's a Quilette thing, except it's more exclusive. Notice I'm the only chick with a matching tattoo. I suppose that means I'm cool enough to run with the boys. Right guys?" She shot the whole pack a glare daring them to say otherwise. Jessica looked impressed.

" We all missed you at our bonfire tonight, " whispered Emily to me quietly. " I'm sure Jacob filled you in on the occasion and I'm even more positive that you must feel guilty for not coming." She leaned in closer. " I just want you to know that it's okay. Jake really isn't mad about it. He only wants to make you happy and he knows it's been a while since you've hung out with anyone except us." She gestured towards herself and then the pack. Her kind words made me feel a little less guilty.

" You guys are all so big." Jessica quipped as she appraised all the guys now. "They must be feeding you something special on the Rez. I bet nothing scares you!" her last words slurred.

" Vacuum cleaners used to freak me out when I was little, " piped up Seth. Everyone roared with laughter.

" Cockroaches freak me out the most, but lizards and hamsters scare me too, " Emily said as she shuddered. Sam rolled his eyes before holding out his hands for her. She went over and snuggled against his chest.

" Clowns. Grown men with makeup and red noses. How weird is that?" asked Paul.

" I was scared of all the characters on Sesame Street," announced Quil.

" Predatory animals," Lauren spoke up. " Bears, lions, tigers, wolves, even sharks and wild pigs. We heard a wolf howling earlier. That's why you'll never catch me in the ocean or in the forest." Both Lauren and Jessica looked at each other and nodded in agreement. The whole pack had a range of amused expressions on their faces. Emily giggled into Sam's chest.

" What about you Bella? What's your biggest fear?"Tom asked as he casually threw an arm over my shoulder. He was sitting in Emily's previous spot. I never noticed him come and sit down by me.

Even though I wasn't looking at him I could feel Jacob stiffen. His anger and jealousy rolled of him in a slow wave that everyone caught up to as soon as it washed over them. When I looked over at him, he was glaring at Tom's arm around me. Both his hands were visibly trembling. I found that a little surprising- he didn't usually loose his calm so quickly- he learned to control his temper. Wondering if he could feel Jacob's glare, I looked up at Tom. He was still looking at me, grinning. " Well Bella?" He winked. Avoiding his gaze, I looked down tapping my fingers against my knee nervously. I pretended to think about it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emily murmur something to Jacob. Everyone besides Lauren were staring at either Jacob or Tom. Lauren was glaring daggers at me. She hated whenever I received any male attention. Jacob had no right to get so angry, I wasn't his, we are only friends. This is why it isn't a good idea to blur the lines of our friendship. In that second I felt myself become a little irritated with Jacob Black.

I furrowed my brows and pursed my lips. " I can't really think of anything that frightens me. I never had any weird phobias growing up. Vacuums , really?" I laughed looking over at Seth. He nodded and broke out into a smile- his eyes trained on Jacob the whole time. I decided I wouldn't show how much Tom's arm around my shoulders actually bothered me. I would let him keep it there for now- it's innocent enough. I didn't have the guts to look at Jake. I knew this would hurt him, but he needed to be reminded of the fact that we are only friends.

Tom smirked, " Too bad, I would have loved a chance to protect you." I heard a few loud snickers at his comment. Seth noticed Tom's empty cup and quickly got up to replenish his drink. I noticed he poured almost no soda in it.

"Spring break is coming up in a few weeks, do you guys know what you're doing?" Lauren asked drunkenly, looking around at everyone. Shrugs or murmurs from everyone . Jacob pretended he didn't hear the question and continued to stare daggers at Tom's arm. His jaw was clenched and his posture was rigid. He was upset. " My parents own a beach house right on the water. There's plenty of privacy, spare bedrooms, and even a pretty decent swimming pool. Who's up for a few days of fun?" Lauren asked wiggling her eyebrows at the guys.

" Count me in!" yelled Mike. He was having a hard time sitting up.

" I'm so there," rasped Jessica.

" Sounds like fun. I'll have to talk to my dad first, but I'm sure it will be okay, " Angela chimed. She looked excited at the prospect of spending a few days in a beach house with Ben.

Lauren focused on me then. "How about you Bella? I'm sure you could use some time away from Forks," she sneered. Emily shot her a death glare but she didn't notice. I could feel Jacob watching me, waiting for an answer.

" Your right, a few days away from Forks sounds like a good idea," I flashed her a fake smile.

" Well if Bella's in, count the rest of us in also. Right boys?" The pack nodded. "Spring break at a beach house it is!" Emily seemed genuinely excited at the idea.

" I wouldn't miss it for anything, " answered Tom when Lauren looked at him questionably. I could feel him leering at me. His thumb stroked back and forth across my collarbone just once before Jacob flew to his feet and through gritted teeth announced he is going for a walk. He began to tremble right before I lost sight of him behind the boulders. Embry got up and followed after him silently. This is why it's not a good idea to continue and allow him to push the boundaries with us. I needed to talk to him about this.

I was looking up at the stars lost in my own thoughts when I felt Tom's stale breath on my neck." Would you like another drink?" he asked. I was more than a little drunk but I shrugged then nodded. He got up and wobbled around the bonfire looking for the alcohol. He had to lean on Paul as he made me my drink. After the laughter died down he handed me my glass. I took a sip. Was it just me or did each consecutive drink taste better and better? I finished my glass rather quickly. Alicia Keys _Sleeping With a Broken Heart_ came on the radio, but unlike all the other times I heard this song, this time I had no urge to cry. It might be because I focused my attention on a different line in the lyrics. Yes, I will find a way to make it without _you_. One day. I knew that Edward was forever scratched into my heart with jagged glass. No, no don't let your thought wander there. I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes as the words that broke me to a million pieces flowed through my head. Fat, warm tears threatened to fall down my cheeks. My eyes clamped even tighter and my face contorted in the effort it took not to release my tears. My brain was savaged with memories of _him_, of _them_.

_Edward left me. After all that we had been through together, after all that we had, he left me. We loved each other- at least I thought we did. He left me, he abandoned me after promising to love me forever. _

Cringing, I shivered a disgusting gloom that permeated down my bones. I was surprised at the intense anger that simmered right below the surface. I was suddenly jarred from my thoughts when Seth's large hands picked me up and twirled me around. " Let's dance!" he yelled.

_Baby I Love Your Way_ by Big Mountain was blasting on the radio. I didn't feel self conscious about dancing, not with this much liquor coursing through me ,but I did feel like a tiny rag doll dancing with Seth. Angela was dancing with Ben and Mike even joined in with Jessica. I noticed Tom sleeping in the tent. I didn't see Lauren anywhere. The whole pack fought over who would dance with me next.

It felt good to just let go and be free. I'm pretty sure they all orchestrated this little performance after they saw me struggling to keep my tears at bay earlier. I didn't understand their need to protect me. All I did was just hurt Jake repeatedly.

" Suddenly the day turns into night! " yelled out Paul and Seth excitedly, pumping their fists into the air. Uh no, their going to sing along now. I couldn't stop the fit of giggles that escaped me.

"The moon appears to shine and light the skyyy!" Hollered Quil as he dipped me and then twirled me around the bonfire.

Jacob's booming laugh startled all of us. He was sitting down in his previous spot laughing hysterically with Embry. None of us heard them return. Alright, considering I was surrounded by werewolves I was probably one of the only people not to hear them return. For a split second Jake's eyes slid to Tom's sleeping form.

I flew into Jacob's lap. " Are you okay? Are you mad at me?" I asked him quietly. His hand started rubbing soothing circles into my back.

" You're impossible. I thought I told you I can't be mad at you Bells, "he whispered back. His wonderful scent washed over my face – forest and spice. I was home. I turned around and sat down between his legs. He raised his knees and rested his forearms on them. I was completely surrounded by Jacob. His massive frame that screamed of power and muscle, of dominance – none of that was present now. His posture radiated protectiveness and love. His body heat was so intense that I could feel it wrap around me like a wool blanket. I leaned my head against his chest and he rested his chin on top of my head. We were so comfortable with each other, things could be so easy between us. I knew I loved Jacob with all my heart, but was I in love with him? No, not quite. I had strong feelings for him but I was incapable of love. I knew that. I also knew I would never put myself in the position for someone to destroy my soul and crush my heart again. I knew Jacob loved me with all his heart. His love for me seeped out of his every pore, out of his very being. Yet, with a heavy heart, I realized that just because he could vow his unnerving love to me now didn't mean that he could not imprint on someone tomorrow. He would have no choice. I refused, no I could not , for the sake of my own sanity be the next Leah. I would not survive it. Even if one day I was able to put all the pieces of my broken heart back together,Jacob could of course never know the reason why I could never be with him, let myself fall completely in love with him. I know it would be effortless if I just let go, but I had my own survival to think about. He can imprint on anyone, anytime. No, Jake can never find out the reason I hold myself back from falling completely in love with him. He would hate and resent himself for becoming a werewolf. I could never allow that to happen.

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	9. Boundaries

_He can imprint on anyone, anytime. No, Jake can never find out the reason I hold myself back from falling completely in love with him. He would hate and resent himself for becoming a werewolf. I could never allow that to happen._

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You could warm me like the sun;

You could cure me with a kiss!

One embrace would melt all this

Black Siberia within!

"Song for an Afternoon", Charles Baudelaire, translated from French by Walter Martin.

It was late into the night, and some of us were still seated around a dying bonfire. The rest were passed out, sleeping on the blankets. Sam and Emily were gone, and I wasn't even sure when they left. I was still sitting between Jacob's legs completely surrounded by him. He was slouched lower, his head resting on my bare shoulder, his cheek pressed against the side of my neck. He turned his face towards me, "I think I should get you in bed," he murmured, his breath tickling my ear.

I decided to ignore the double meaning of his words. " Don't be silly Jake. You are not running me back home." My voice was slightly slurred but firm. I was too drunk to take a chance of Charlie waking up when I got home. We could just crash on a blanket like everyone else.

His warm hands squeezed me tighter and he pressed his lips to my exposed shoulder. I felt the tip of his tongue come out and taste my skin. " I meant my bed, " his voice a few octaves lower than usual. The feel of his soft lips against my skin sent sparks shooting up and down my entire body before they settled between my hips. I shivered and the spot where his lips grazed my skin turned to goose bumps. We both knew it wasn't from the cold. His words were innocent enough, but the way he delivered them suggested a different, less innocent meaning. They were too full if innuendos. "Jake," I bit my lip. My head fell back against his chest and my eyes fluttered shut of their own accord. My hand squeezed his knee without my permission. Encouraged by my body's response, his lips skimmed the length of my shoulder and up my neck before stopping and planting a feather light kiss behind my ear. I let out a barely audible moan. Oh God, what the hell was I doing? I heard his sharp intake of breath in my ear a second before it turned fast and shallow. I could feel him gauging my reaction, contemplating his next move. I knew he was afraid of pushing it too far; of overstepping the boundaries. Somewhere in the back of my head a tiny voice screamed that it's too late. He's so far past the boundary line it's not even visible anymore. That tiny voice was right. He was flirting with me again and he was good. Dangerously good. This, whatever this was we were doing, needed to stop before we took it too far.

I opened my eyes. "Sorry about that Jake. I don't know why I just reacted like that."I blushed and began to untangle myself from him. His grip on me loosened , but not enough for me to get myself free. "Oh that's right, maybe it was because you kissed my shoulder," I hissed quietly. "And then behind my ear." He smiled, completely unremorseful. I spoke quietly not wanting anyone to hear. " If someone was to observe us from a distance, they would think we were lovers not best friends." I shook my head. " C'mon let's go to sleep, I think we both had too much to drink." His face was unreadable. He nodded, stood up, and then picked me up bridal style. I raised my eyebrow in question.

" Oh, c'mon Bells. You don't expect me to let you sleep on the ground do you? If I recall you like sleeping in my bed." He smirked and I blushed. "I, of course, "he continued while walking, "will sleep on Billy's new couch. Being a gentleman, I would never entertain a different thought." I rolled my eyes and began swinging my dangling feet back and forth as he carried me. I felt like a small child or a princess and the thought made me giggle.

"What's so funny?" His lips twitched into a smile.

" I feel like a little child or a princess." I shrugged hoping he would drop it.

He kissed the top of my head. " To me, you are a princess."

He carried me down the beach in silence for a few minutes, the sound of crashing waves and our breathing the only noise around us. I speculated that both our minds were occupied with the same thoughts. Mine was back at the bonfire, replaying the way his lips ghosted over my shoulder and up the length of my neck. Replaying the way his voice sounded , deep and husky, when he whispered in my ear, the way his wet tongue felt on my skin. I blushed right on cue and then started fidgeting with my blouse in order to avoid looking at Jake. I could feel his gaze on my face, but he didn't say anything. Suddenly a thought occurred to me.

"Where did you go? Earlier, I mean, when you announced you were going for a walk and Embry followed you?" I was still fidgeting with the bottom of my blouse not looking at him.

"Seattle"

"What!? You and Embry ran all the way to Seattle and back in an hour?!" I had no idea werewolves were so fast.

" We also had some burgers there." He smirked. He knew I was impressed. I'm sure I was doing the perfect imitation of a goldfish- mouth hanging open, eyes bulged.

It was silent for a few seconds before he let out a shaky breath and looked straight into my eyes. " Honestly I needed to cool off for a while. When I saw Tom caress your collarbone I lost it. I was sure I would phase right in front of everyone."

I was quiet for a long time before I put my face in my hands and started, "Jake you.."

He cut me off. " I know Bella. I know. Trust me. I know we are just best friends. I had no reason to react the way I did tonight. I'm sorry I wasn't able to control myself better."

I kept my head in my hands and nodded. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I was supposed to apologize for leading him on , or for always hurting him, or maybe for being such a stupid friend. I decided it was better to remain quiet. We would talk more about this tomorrow, when we were both sober.

"Here we are." I looked at him confused and he motioned his head towards the house. I didn't even notice it until now, it was too dark.

He carried me in and didn't put me down until we were in his bedroom. I sat down on the bed, suddenly really exhausted. He crouched down in front of me in one fluid movement took of my sandals, then gently rubbed each foot before standing up and walking to his dresser. I looked up in time for a fresh t shirt to hit me in the face and then fall into my suddenly outstretched hands.

" Thanks"

He smiled ." Sure, sure. I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."

Briskly, I removed my clothes, and then slipped on his t shirt. The well worn cotton felt soft against my skin. I dragged the collar up to my nose and inhaled, smiling. It was way to big; it almost fell to my knees.

I could hear him meddling around the kitchen so I decided to go and say goodnight. I tiptoed down the hallway and into the kitchen as quietly as I could in order not to wake Billy. Jake's back was to me, and he was digging in the fridge. I wasn't sure if he heard me come in.

" Would you like a snack?" He asked without turning.

" No thanks. I just wanted to say goodnight."

He straightened up. " Goodnight honey." He turned around and so quickly that it was barely perceptible his eyes raked up and down my body and his face flooded with color.

" Umm, I'll see you in the morning." He waved his hand awkwardly and started walking towards the living room, his feet stumbling on floor he has walked on his entire life.

I didn't know what to do, so I just turned around and walked back into his room shutting the door behind me. Why did he react that way? It was just a t shirt for god's sake! It could even be a dress, that's how long it was on me for Christ's sake. I noticed a full length mirror on the back of his door and turned on the light to see what was wrong with the way I looked. I flashed the light on and had to smack a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. His cotton t shirt was very thin from wear. My black strapless push up bra and lace boy shorts were clearly visible through the thin cotton. Mortified, I climbed into bed and prayed for sleep to take me.

Please lemme know what you think by dropping a review !


	10. Second family

So first of all I am soo sorry it took me this long to post the next chapter. Thank you to all the people who wrote me sweet letters begging me , even threatening me into continuing this story. I just wanted to let you know that I never gave up with this story. I have a lot of good things in mind trust me this story is nowhere close to being over. So the reason for this long absence ? Well it seems that fate had it out for me the last month. First I was swamped with midterms and double shifts at work. After that I got a nasty tooth infection which kept me in bed for a few days. After that I came down with a nasty case of the flu. I was in no mood to write. Now that Im all better I promise to update often. I feel like I walked out of a cloud of fog and into the sun! I'm back again and so please be expecting a new chp about every 2-3 days. Also please review they mean more to me than you know!

" I love you" is what you told me

Before we promised we would be together

You still have my heart

Oh how I miss your tender embrace

Im here all alone

Wondering what Ive done wrong

Watching my whole life before my eyes

And feeling the cruel world crash down on me

Cant you see what pain you've caused?

Cant you see I'm dying…

Lilly

The sun was high in the sky and pouring in brightly through the small bedroom window. It must be close to noon . I wasn't sure how long I slept but I felt well rested. I awoke about twenty minutes earlier to the smell of bacon wafting down the short hallway. I could hear Jake and Billy in the kitchen. Geez why am I always the last one up? Billy must think I always sleep in late.

After spending a few minutes buried underneath Jake's white sheets, completely engulfed in his smell, I stumbled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. I was still in Jake's worn out t-shirt, so I quickly tiptoed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I was pleasantly surprised to find a fresh towel and even a disposable toothbrush waiting for me on the small bathroom sink. Jake is so sweet thinking of small things like this. I slipped of the t-shirt and underwear and climbed into the shower, adjusting the water temperature to hot. The warm water felt amazing sliding down my back. I closed my eyes and stood like that for a few minutes, relaxing and trying to clear my head. I still couldn't get the feel of Jake's breath on my neck out of my head. His big hands, which undoubtedly possessed so much strength, were excruciatingly tender sliding up my bare shoulders. Then, I remembered squeezing his knee and even moaning at his soft barely there kiss. I opened my eyes and ran a hand across my face. The way my body responded to his touch last night was completely involuntary . My body pulsated around him, following the movement of his hands and lips as if it was connected to them by invisible strings.

Oh yeahh Jacob also practically saw me in my underwear last night. How embarassing. I hope he wont bring it up and make any smart ass comments about it. Especially in front of Billy. The last memory jarred me out of my daydreaming and I briskly scrubbed my body with an unscented soap, most likely Jake's, and jumped out of the shower. I quickly dressed into what I wore last night, the clothes smelling faintly of bonfire and Jake, and then made my way towards the kitchen.

" Morning Billy. Hey Jake, " I slid into a kitchen chair and smiled sweetly at Billy.

He returned my smile with a bright smile of his own," hello, Bella it's wonderful to see you again. "

" Thanks Billy. It's nice to hear that. I was a little worried about being a nuisance. After all it's the second time I'm sleeping over this week, " I shrugged and dove into the full plate of food which seemed to have materialized in front of me.

It was obvious Jake wanted to scold me or at least say something , most likely about me thinking I was being a pest in their home, but his mouth full of food and Billy prevented him.

" Isabella, " Billy began. He was using his deep tribal voice, the one meant to be taken seriously.

" You were never, nor ever will be a nuisance to me or Jacob. You are welcome at this house whenever and as often as you like. I mean that Bella. You can stay the night whenever you wish. Now, Charlie might not be…"

" Oh crap!" the fork I was using slipped out of my hands but Jake's fast reflexes prevented it from falling to the ground. " I am gonna be in so much trouble. Charlie is going to be mad that I never came home last night. He must be so worried." Out of the corner of my eye I caught both Billy and Jacob rolling their eyes.

" It's alright Bella," Jake mumbled in between bites, " my dad already talked to Charlie."

I looked at Billy questionably. He nodded, " I called him first thing this morning. Can't say he was happy about you not coming home and no phone call, but after reassuring him you were safe and sleeping alone" he looked over at Jacob pointedly and I blushed, " he calmed down considerably."

" Thanks Billy. You're a lifesaver."

" Mmhmm."

" Anyways Jake and I are both coming over this evening. " I raised my eyebrows, confused and looked over at Jake. He just grinned at me, piece of bacon sticking out of his mouth. Was there something Billy wasn't telling me? Was I in more trouble than he just lead on?

" There's a big game on tonight, " Billy finally said. Ah.

I got up to wash my plate. " Jake I should really get going home. I'm gonna go back to the bonfire and see if my Fork's friends are still there. If anything I can catch a ride with them." I knew we needed to talk about last night but I needed some time to gather my thoughts.

He leaned against the kitchen counter and watched me clean my plate. " I don't mind driving you home Bells, but we can go check on your friends if you want."

* * *

" Bella! There you are we were worried about you, " Lauren drawled while checking Jacob out. She was such a bad liar. I tried to quickly squash the jealousy that rose up in me at seeing her lick her lips while staring at my best friend. I didn't want her or Jake seeing it. Lauren's focus shifted to me after Jacob went over to help Mike pack up our belongings into the van. It looked like Mike's three friends left already. Thank God. I didn't need Jacob becoming angry with Tom again.

Jessica and Lauren were blatantly appraising my face and appearance. They didn't miss the fact that I was freshly showered.

Lauren's eyes locked with mine and she half smiled, " I knew it. Someone looks well rested. I see you couldn't hold his interest all night. Shame." I rolled my eyes at both of them and walked towards Mike's van. I wouldn't let their bitchy comments ruin my good mood. The doors to the van slid open and I saw Ben and Angela sitting in the back seat waving at me.

" Hey Bella!" Angela sung out cheerfully. I almost fell on top of Ben when she grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the van unexpectedly. " I have to tell you something later okay?" I could detect a hint of anger in her voice. I just nodded but couldn't help wondering what's up.

" Alright gang, were ready to go!" yelled Mike. He was a little paler than usual. Must be a little hung over and in a hurry to get home. " Everyone in!" he ordered.

Once we were all settled in the car I rolled down the front passenger window and said goodbye to Jake.

I blushed when he leaned into the car and kissed my forehead. " I'll see you tonight, " he whispered against my skin. His warm breath shot goose bumps up and down my spine. His actions blurred the lines of our friendship more and more often. Way to go Jake. I knew we seriously needed to talk tonight.


	11. lessons in friends, family, and riding

A chapter from Jacob's point of view will be coming up really soon! ( Here's a lil poem ; something that perhaps poor Jacob might be feeling :)

_Looking at those eyes that don't lie _  
_She's got me entranced _  
_Just by chancing a look at her hips_  
_I'm envisioning so much…_  
_Our sexual tension doesn't lie _  
_It's her and I and no one else _  
_The temperatures rising _

_I want her too much, so much it hurts_

_The thought of tasting her lips keeps me up at night_

_Every time we're together our sexual tension_

_Hits me like a steel freight train_

_I steal a moment to catch my breath _  
_We're in our own world _  
_The sexual tension just building _  
_Begging for its release _  
_Praying just to be free_

_I want to scream at her_

_That It's about time she let go_

_Because I want her, I want her, I want her…_

* * *

" Thanks Mike. See you in school guys !" I waved to everyone as I made my way up the stairs to my house. Angela whispered , " Call me, " to which I nodded. My curiosity spiked even higher. I really wonder what's up. She wasn't the type to gossip. It had to be something good.

I turned the key in the lock and threw the front door open. " Hey dad! I'm home, " my voice was loud and steady but I must admit I was a little nervous. I hope Charlie wasn't too mad about me staying out all night. I still didn't know if it was a good or bad thing that it happened to be Jake's house I slept over at again this week. I didn't need Charlie thinking something was up between us. It would only make him mindful of how much time I spent with Jake. I also didn't want him drilling me every time Jake and I planned to hang out. I walked into the kitchen and threw my stuff on the table. I heard the television in the front room click off. Great. A talk was imminent.

Charlie walked into my view and leaned against the doorframe. He looked exhausted. He must have stayed up half the night worrying about me. I felt guilty about staying out all night without letting him know in advance. He was much more lenient and easygoing about things like curfews and friends ever since I went catatonic because _he_ left me. Oh no, please don't let my thoughts wonder to _him_, to _them_. I don't want to cry today. Please. Now I'm almost hoping Charlie will try and ground me so that I can get angry and start a fight with him effectively distracting myself from all other thoughts. My sadness and then immediate panic afterwards must have registered with Charlie because he walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

" Promise me you will let me know the next time you plan to spend the night at a friend's house. "

I nodded. " Sorry dad, it was really irresponsible of me not to call."

He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. " Yes it was. I was worried kiddo."

" Sorry."

I busied myself with cleaning up the dishes in the sink. After he didn't leave the kitchen like I expected him to, I knew he was gearing up for part two of the conversation. A hunch told me Jake's name would come up in this part. Sigh. I knew I was a fool for expecting it to be this easy. Charlie sat at the kitchen table and cleared his throat. Here we go.

" So, you and Jacob really grew into close friends. " That was more of a statement than a question so I just nodded without turning away from my task at hand.

" I'm glad that you have someone to talk to Bells. Jake is a good kid."

Silence. I hope Charlie knew better than to bring _him_ up.

" But I see how that boy looks at you. He wants more than friendship. I'm sure you know that too?" Charlie was playing with his beer can. He was just as uncomfortable as I was. Good.

" Yes I know. Dad we are only friends. Jake knows I'm not ready to date." Oh please let this conversation be over. There was too much talk about dating and boys and they were triggering too many bad memories. " He's not the type to push it." Too much I thought to myself. " Don't worry."

" Well," he looked out the window thoughtfully, " I just need to know the moment you two are more than friends. That's when the sleepovers end." He took a long sip of his beer, finishing it, and crushed the can in his hand.

I didn't feel like arguing or explaining to him that I am beyond broken and unsure if I will ever be ready to date so I just nodded and made my way upstairs. Besides, I thought to myself, Jacob deserved so much better than a shell of a person I once was. He was kind, caring, funny, and handsome and he deserved a girl without baggage. I just didn't know how I would stop myself from clawing her eyes out once Jacob finally found her. Just the thought of Jake imprinting on some girl out there made me sick to the stomach. I turned on my small bedside radio in an effort to distract myself. It's been ages since I listened to any music. I tidied my room up a bit just in case Jake would want to hang out here later tonight. I also remembered I was supposed to call Angela, but decided on another shower first because Jake's orange unscented soap left my skin feeling dry. I turned up the radio and made my way towards the washroom. Just as I closed the bathroom door I heard one of Rihanna's new songs " Cold Case Love" come on the radio.

* * *

C'mon, c'mon pick up the damn phone I thought to myself. On the fifth ring she finally did.

" Angela, hey, what's up? You told me to call." Let's see what this is all about. I was honestly curious.

" Yeah I really want to talk to you. First, how come you never told me that Jacob Black is downright gorgeous?!" Her voice went up a few octaves towards the end. I couldn't help but laugh. She was completely right though, Jake is beautiful.

" I dunno Ang. We're best friends, it's a little weird to be focusing on his psychical looks so much."

" He is completely gaga over you. Lucky girl. The way he stares at you is so intense that I feel like I'm interrupting a private moment when I observe him watching you."

Her words made me blush. Thank god she couldn't see me through the phone. I decided to switch the topic.

" You said you needed to tell me something?" I grew nervous and began to drum my fingernails against my desk.

" Oh yeah, listen to this. Lauren is such a bitch. Do you remember last night when we were all dancing around the bonfire?"

" Yeah?" What was she getting at?

" Did you notice she was nowhere in sight?"

" Yeah? What's this about Angela just spit it out already." I began pacing around my room. Nothing to do with Lauren is ever good.

" Well, when we started dancing around the bonfire she left to go after Jacob. It was her intention to seduce him."

I gasped. " No way! How do you know this?" It was a struggle to keep my voice even. Inside I was seething with anger and jealousy.

" After you and Jake left she became really pissed off. After a small tantrum she started blabbering all about it. She still hasn't given up. Supposedly she has some moronic plan to seduce him during our vacation on spring break. Honestly, Ben and I think that's the only reason she invited you. She wanted to make sure Jacob would also be there. "

I couldn't speak . I was too furious. How dare she try and make a move on my best friend? If I have to I'll rip out all her limbs in order to stop her from making a play at Jake. Yes, that's what I'll do. First, I'll rip off her arms and legs. Then I'll chop her to pieces until there's nothing left but her stupid head. Lastly, I'll cheerfully parade her head on a stick through town. I hope my dad won't mind.

She is such a bitch. Tears stung my eyes and I was yet to answer Angela.

" Bella, calm down. You honestly don't think she has a chance do you? Jacob Black didn't acknowledge her once at the bonfire. He sees only you. Honestly, you should be able to laugh at this because you'll have a front row seat when she tanks and bombs." Her voice was hushed and meant to soothe me.

" I'm okay Angela. I calmed down a bit. I just can't believe someone can be such a fake bitch. It's like she takes pleasure in bringing me down." I sat on the edge of my bed and let out a shaky breath. I kept telling myself over and over that she didn't stand a chance. Jacob would never hook up with her.

" I honestly think she does enjoy bringing people down. I think the only reason she wants Jacob so much is because Jacob wants you. That has her fuming. She is utterly jealous that all the best looking guys want you and not her." She said the last sentence quietly and carefully and I knew why. Before Jake there was him, and he was also undoubtedly beautiful.

Now that I was over the initial shock, I needed to recap all of this. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

" Thanks for letting me know Ang. I can't wait to see her fail. I'm pretty sure she'll be an even bigger bitch to me now that she's after Jake. I'll see you tomorrow in class." I didn't wait for her to say goodbye but just hung up the phone. I'm sure she would understand.

That little bitch! Was I honestly surprised she would try to go after Jake? When I thought about it I really wasn't. Lauren was cruel and evil. I let out a dry laugh when I imagined her leaving the bonfire to go look for Jake on the beach. Too bad she didn't know he was probably halfway to Seattle by the time she decided to follow him.

I was laying down on the bed with a pillow over my head. My whole body was stiff with anger and jealousy. I turned the volume on the radio to full. John Mayer's " Half of my Heart" came blasting through the speakers. C'mon, John, your songs were always able to calm me down in the past.

What would have happened if Lauren would have found Jake on the beach? Would he have been interested? I squeezed the pillow tighter at all the possible ways Lauren would have surely tried to seduce him. She certainly wasn't shy nor a virgin. Would she have slept with him? I chuckled to myself. Of course she would have if given the chance. Wait, but would Jake? No, I had to believe he wouldn't go for someone as shallow and empty as Lauren. But again, he was a man, and every man has his needs and desires. C'mon Bella, Jacob is different than that. I don't believe he would do it just because an opportunity presented itself. He's much deeper than that. Yes, I'm sure Jake will not go for Lauren. Let that bitch make a fool of herself and try. I'll be silently laughing the whole time.

I sat up and looked at the clock. It was already past five pm. Billy and Jake would be here in about two hours. I changed into a pair of blue jeans and a white baby tee. I decided to wear my hair down, so I put some moose into it and scrunched it up a bit for that messy wind blown look. Messy-wind blown look? Someone's been watching too many hair care commercials, I thought shaking my head.

I went downstairs to clean up a bit in the living room and get some food ready for the men. Just as I was pulling out the lasagna out of the oven, one of Jake's favorite, I heard Billy's truck pull into the driveway.

" Dad! They're here!"

Jacob didn't need any help pulling Billy out of the car and into the house, but of course Charlie didn't know that and went to help him.

I went out on the front porch to watch them. The three of them were too funny. Billy had a mountain of beer in his lap and was yelling at Charlie to be careful and not dirty up his wheelchair. Jacob was clearly impatient, pretending to need Charlie's help lowering Billy into the wheelchair. His mouth was stuffed full of what looked like potato chips.

" I hope you guys are hungry. I made a huge dish of lasagna." Honestly the only reason I made so much was because I know Jacob will need to eat a bigger half of it to be full. I didn't want him to go hungry all evening.

" It's my favorite, but you already knew that." His tone was saturated with an emotion I couldn't quite place. I was leaning against the kitchen counter and he was standing two feet in front of me, his eyes burning into mine. When I blushed at the intensity of his gaze, his lips twitched into a breathtaking smile.

" Yeah, anyways, the game will be on in a few minutes. Bella, I hope you don't mind us eating in the living room?" asked Charlie. He was studying Jacob and I intently , looking back and forth between us.

I broke Jake's eye contact and looked at my dad.

" Umm, no , not at all. You guys go and make yourselves comfortable and I'll bring you your plates." Charlie and Billy both grunted in approval; they were clearly excited about the upcoming game.

I turned around and got busy preparing their plates. Jacob was still standing in the same spot, completely relaxed, with his hands in his jeans. I could feel his gaze travel down my back and thighs. It must have stayed there for a minute before it moved and began to scorch my hips and butt. I played oblivious to his wondering eyes, trying really hard not to squirm under his fervent gazing. I let out a whoosh of air I didn't realize I was holding when Jacob left the kitchen to go hand the men some cold beers.

Okay Bella. Stay calm and try to look relaxed. It's Jacob Black; your best friend. Sure the electric current that seems to jump between us two whenever were in close proximities is intense, but that just means you find him attractive. Of course you do , he's very good looking. He's growing bolder and bolder lately, subtly blurring the lines here and there. Other times he holds no regard for the boundaries of our friendship at all. Maybe I have stronger feelings than just friendship, but I can't act on them. I just can't. If we took that step and he, gulp, imprinted, I wouldn't survive it. I was sure of it. Besides, I'm not the girl I was once. I'm broken now. I don't deserve him. I have to gently remind him that we are in fact only friends. I hated the thought of hurting Jacob, but I needed to do this before his hope swelled too much. I also needed to apologize for reacting the way I did to his touch. Once again, I would remind him that I'm just a shell that has nothing to offer him. Besides ,he didn't imprint on me, I wasn't his soul mate.

I spent the rest of the afternoon seated between Charlie and Jake, pretending to be interested in the game playing on the television. I don't think I fooled anyone. I kept stealing glances at Jake, but every time I looked at him he would suddenly become engrossed in the television. I let out an annoyed huff of air a few times, but that only made him smirk. From time to time I could also feel Billy and my dad watching us. That made me a little nervous, I didn't want them to read more into our friendship than what was really going on. I tried to get Jake's attention so that we could finally talk about what happened at the bonfire, but he kept studiously ignoring all my signals to meet in the kitchen. Fine. You can't delay this forever. I grew more and more anxious as the night went on. I was mentally prepared and I wanted to have this discussion with Jake tonight.

The game finally ended; Jake and his dad were getting ready to leave. Charlie and Billy were upset over the loss of their team; they were talking heatedly in the hallway. I saw my chance and grabbed Jake's arm and pulled him out on the front porch closing the door behind me. I knew this wasn't the right place or time for this conversation, but I had to at least scold him for playing dumb all evening. I looked up at him. He had a huge grin on his face, yep, he was playing dumb.

" What the hell Jake! You know very well that I've been trying to get your attention all evening. We need to talk and you know it." I crossed my arms.

He put a hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. " Yeah, I suppose your right Bells."

I brushed his hand of my shoulder. I didn't want to be touched. " Why were you ignoring me all night?"

" Because I figured if we didn't get a chance to talk while I'm at your place, then you would allow me to take you somewhere cool tonight. That way we get to talk," he motioned between us, " and I get to take you somewhere special."

What the hell is he talking about? He knows very well that Charlie will be angry with me going out this late, especially since I have school early tomorrow morning. He was about to be disappointed.

" I don't want to get on Charlie's nerves. He'll be upset. Anyways what is this special place?" I unconsciously took a small step away from him. This was sounding too much like a date. Jacob's eyes didn't miss the small movement.

" It's a place I like to go to when I want to be alone and clear my thoughts. You'll love it. It's beautiful, there's a waterfall and even a small lake. The water is crystal clear too." It seemed like he wanted to close the distance I put between us , but then at the last second thought better of it.

" You mean it's somewhere out in the forest?" I wasn't expecting this.

He let out a throaty laugh. For a few seconds I was distracted by his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. It looked like he was about to be a smart ass and say something witty, but instead he just rolled his eyes, " Yes, Bella, the forest. Now are you going to come with me or not?"

" How will I get there? You know I'm a terrible hiker."Again, he rolled his eyes and after a second pursed his lips. Was I being dense?

" I can carry you. Or if you prefer you can ride me."

He raised an eyebrow in question and I blushed. Furiously. I broke his gaze and suddenly found the porch interesting. I could feel the heat rising up in my face. My heart started drumming out a fast rhythm.

" Jeez Bells. Dirty mind much?"

Jackass. He knew exactly what he was doing. He enjoyed teasing me like this. I still couldn't meet his eyes. He stepped in front of me and raised my chin, making me meet his eyes. He had a huge grin on his face.

" What I meant was that if you want, you can ride on my back while I'm in wolf form."

" Yeah. Got it. Thanks." He thought he was so smart teasing me like this. Suddenly Jake in wolf form sounded very appealing. I wouldn't have to listen to any more of his smart ass comments on the way to wherever he was taking me.

I could hear Charlie pushing Billy towards the front door. We had only seconds of privacy left.

" I'll be here at midnight, " Jake whispered at the last second and I nodded quickly.

* * *

I was dressed the same as earlier except I put on a black cardigan over my baby tee. It was 11: 53 and I was ready, quietly waiting for Jacob on my front porch. Charlie was upstairs snoring lightly in his bed, asleep for over an hour. I was both excited and a little nervous about tonight. I was slightly dreading the talk I knew I needed to have with Jacob, but at the same time I was excited at seeing Jacob, no of riding on Jake's back, while he was in wolf form. I've seen Jake in wolf form several times, but he never asked me to touch him, and not knowing proper werewolf etiquette I was too afraid to ask if I could. He didnt scare me when he was a wolf, on the contrary, I found him even more amazing like that. I looked at my watch, 11:57. I had a few more minutes to gather my thoughts and so I closed my eyes and played our impending conversation, imagining the way it will go, in my head.

I felt liquid trails of fire on my face and neck and opened my eyes. A big russet wolf was standing directly in front of me, just several feet away from me; it's eyes boring into mine. Jacob. I had to choke back a scream at having been startled like that. Jerk. I shot him a glare and stood up. He was huge, and magnificent, and completely breathtaking. Alright, here we go I thought. I smiled and took a small, but shaky step towards him.


	12. Knowing both sides

_You're lonely without me_

_Don't hide it  
You shouldn't pretend _

_You need me  
Even though you say you don't_

_  
I need you  
Every time I think or breathe  
I need to be near you_

_Look at me_

_My eyes hold my own lonely truth_

_You want me  
Even though you say you don't  
Let go  
For without each other we are only half of what we could be_

* * *

" Hi," I whispered quietly, my voice shaking. I was standing right in front of Jacob, trembling slightly, but not out of fear. His size was massive, his paws bigger than my hand, eyes level with mine. I could tell he was also appraising me, carefully studying my every facial expression. He didn't want me to be afraid of him. Our eyes finally locked.

" Well, how should we do this?" I asked breathlessly. I was unsure of how to proceed.

He lowered himself to the ground and with his head motioned towards his back. I moved to stand next to him, took a deep breath, and hesitantly reached out a hand to touch him. I couldn't stop it from trembling and when Jake noticed this, he unexpectedly nuzzled my cheek with his snout. His display of affection, which was surely meant to put me at ease, did just that. I immediately relaxed. Nothing to worry about. It's just Jacob Black. He won't hurt me. I slowly ran a hand along his back, through his soft fur.

" It's so thick." I said and smiled at him. He was nearly completely russet in color, except for some white and black around his snout and eyes. His whole frame screamed of power, and strength, and speed. He was magnificent.

" Just as beautiful in wolf form." I breathed.

When I realized I whispered it out loud I immediately looked at him and blushed slightly. Be calm Bella, friends can tell each other they're beautiful. It happens all the time. It's not that big of a deal. His expression was such that if human, it would have been a huge smile.

I swung my left leg and straddled his back grabbing large fistfuls of his fur.

" Too bad you don't come with a saddle and reins, " I declared sarcastically and then immediately burst into a fit of giggles. His whole body shook in laughter before he rose to his feet quickly. My laughter died down immediately.

" Umm, okay, Jake it's a little scary up here. I don't know if I'll be able to hang on." I knew that holding on to his fur wouldn't be enough, and so I lowered my torso flat against him, and encircled his neck with my arms tightly.

" Is this too tight?" He turned his head towards me and rolled one big brown eye. I guess that's a no.

Everything after that was like a blur. I kept my eyes open for only a few seconds, because after that he was running too fast for my liking. The darkness and the rocking motion frightened me. I was scared of loosing my grip on him and so I just clamped my eyes shut and held on for dear life. After about twenty minutes I felt him slow down to a walk. I opened my eyes and raised my head. It was too dark for me to make out much of anything.

" Where are we?" I was curious about how much distance he was able to cover with me on his back. He let out a little whine. Oh, of course he can't answer me. During the run I realized I was curious about a lot of things. Like how much does he have to run before he feels exhausted? How good is his vision in the dark? How is his sense of smell? How does it feel to phase? I realized I never really asked him much about being a werewolf. I suspect he never volunteered that information out of fear of freaking me out. Silly, to me he would always just be _my_ Jacob.

He came to a stop and motioned that it was okay for me to get down. I slid down carefully and took a look at my surroundings. I could hear a waterfall somewhere to my left. I couldn't make out much detail, but I was able to see that we were standing by the edge of what looked like to be a small lake. There were trees behind and to the right of us. Jacob watched me take in my new location before he started walking towards the patch of trees behind us.

I took a few steps after him." Where are you going?" He better not be planning to leave me here, even if it's just for a few minutes.

He faced me and motioned with his snout to his hind leg. I could make out shorts tied with a thin leather rope to his left hind leg. Oh. He needed a moment alone to phase back. I didn't want him to phase back. I was hoping I could gawk at him while in wolf form for a few more minutes.

" Jake? Could you stay like this for a little longer?" I asked blushing slightly and shrugging my shoulders. "I was hoping I would get to pet you some more." I giggled. It was so much fun being witty without his cocky comebacks.

He walked back towards me and stretched out on the ground. I took a seat beside him and immediately started looking him over. I placed my small hands on his front paw and tugged on it lightly. He allowed me to pick it up.

" These are huge. No wonder you can cover so much terrain so quickly." I put it back down and scooted closer to him. I started running my hands over the fur on his belly. He must like that because he began to purr quietly.

" You're so soft." I ran my hand up his neck and started caressing his ears. Immediately, his purring grew in intensity and his eyes fluttered closed.

" You never frightened me." My sudden declaration must have taken him by surprise because he raised his head and looked straight at me. "I know that at the beginning you were afraid this part of you would scare me away. You should know that I love this part of you almost as much as I love you as Jacob. I am so thankful I have you in my life." I refused to meet his eyes and kept caressing his belly. I just wanted him to know that he was someone very important in my life. I'm pretty sure he already knew that though. Still, I felt the need to voice it. It wasn't often that I felt like being all mushy with Jake or anyone else for that matter. I suspected it was easier for me like this, with him being in wolf form. He didn't say anything, of course, but he did appear to be lost in his own thoughts. After a while he got up and disappeared behind some trees. I couldn't make out his shape, but I still turned away out of courtesy. I didn't hear him approach and so I jumped slightly when he suddenly appeared next to me. He was gone only a few seconds.

" Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you again." He smiled in apology. He was wearing only a pair of cut of gray sweatpants. The color complimented his lovely skin.

" What is this place? Do you come here often?" I had no idea where we were.

" Were about 40 miles north of Forks. I stumbled on this place one time while out for a run. We don't usually patrol this far north." He picked up a small rock and tossed it into the water.

Wow he was able to run forty miles in twenty minutes? With me on his back? Very impressive.

" What are you thinking? I can tell you have something on your mind." He turned his body and sat facing me.

" I was just thinking how you never really told me what it's like to be a werewolf. I was always curious about that part of you, but you seemed so reserved about talking about it. I don't know why." I ran a hand through my hair. A thought occurred to me. Was it because at one time I was friends with _them_?  
"I guess I have a lot of questions." I was looking down, playing with my fingers. I didn't know if he wanted to talk to me about being a werewolf.

He grabbed my right hand and held it tightly. " I love the fact that you want to know that side of me as well. You have no idea how much. I always thought that maybe it frightened you a little that I turn into a giant dog." We both laughed.

He raised one perfect eyebrow. " What do you want to know?"

I looked out at the water thoughtfully. There was so much that I was curious about. I realized I didn't know that side of Jacob well at all. I wanted that to change tonight.

" Some questions might seem silly to you, but they're important to me." He nodded.

Alright. Let's start off with some easy questions I thought. " How far do you have to run to feel exhausted?"

He smirked. I knew he wouldn't mind bragging about his supernatural attributes. " We start feeling the burn at around 150 miles, but after a few minutes rest we can run another 150 if we needed to." He smiled. He knew I was impressed. When I thought about it for a few seconds I realized that they would have to in fact be able to run long distances in order to keep up with _them_. They never tired. I was surprised that it wasn't that painful thinking about _them_, not with Jacob here.

" Impressive. Alright next question." I pursed my lips. I didn't know which question to ask first.

" How good is your hearing?"

" I can hear everything in a five mile radius." Holy hell, his hearing is even better than _theirs_.

I smiled sweetly at him in order to reassure him none of this was freaking me out. He smiled in return and then swept his thumb across my knuckles. We were still holding hands.

" And you can see everything in the dark?" He nodded.

A funny question occurred to me. " Have you ever hurt yourself in order to see how fast you can heal?" I gave him a stern look. He better not think about lying.

He chuckled and said, " Well, one time the rest of the pack and I were wondering about it and then Embry just decided to stab me in the arm with a kitchen knife and find out. I was completely healed a minute later." He paused for a second before looking away. " Embry's broken jaw healed fast too."

I didn't know if I should laugh or be mortified. When our eye's locked though, laughter won out.

Suddenly a new set of questions popped into my head." How good are your senses when you're just Jacob?"

" Well, I can still see everything in the dark. I can't hear as far as when I'm in wolf form. I think a little less than two miles. I'm still much stronger than an average man. I'm pretty sure I could lift a car over my head." Wow.

I looked down at our intertwined hands. His were so big and warm. It felt nice.

" Is it much different now that you are Alpha of the pack?" I never told him, but I secretly liked the fact that he was the leader. He fit the role perfectly. Besides, he was the biggest and strongest one out of all of them.

He shrugged. " A little bit. Obviously I have a much greater responsibility, but it's fun to order them around sometimes. I never abuse my power though."

" I'm sorry I wasn't at your bonfire Jake."

" We've been over that. I told you it's alright." He pulled me in closer and then twisted me around so that I was seated between his legs, my back to his naked chest. I blushed and started to protest, but he didn't release me. " I could tell you were starting to get cold. I don't want you to get sick."

This position was a little too intimate and it didn't help that he was shirtless. It was the same position we were seated in at the bonfire and it brought back a flood of memories. Que an even darker blush.

" What's going on in that head of yours? Tell me what's got you blushing so much, " he murmured against my hair. I suspected that he knew exactly why I was blushing. His heat enveloped me completely and I found myself relaxing immediately.

I knew it was best to ignore his question. " I love how warm you are. Did you know that? You're like my own personal space heater." I felt his lips turn into a smile against my hair. His arms tightened around me. It felt amazing sitting with him like this. I could feel his love for me pouring out of his very soul. Things could be so easy if I just let go. Was I ready to move on from _him_? No, not quite. Regardless, I knew I couldn't take a risk of becoming the next Leah. Oh, Jake.

" I'm so sorry I keep hurting you," I barely breathed. He twisted slightly at an attempt to look at me more directly. I closed my eyes, I didn't want any eye contact with him right now.

It was silent for a few seconds before he shook his head. " I'll always be here Bella. I'll be whatever you need me to be, a crying shoulder, a best friend, or more." His arms constricted around me like a boa snake and he tenderly kissed my cheek. " You are everything to me. You're the place I call home. I would lay down my life if that's what you needed." I wanted to speak up but he interrupted me. " Wait. Let me finish. I know you are still hurting inside. Sometimes I still see it in your eyes. I would never hurt you like that. I belong to you. I will always be here for you Bella, every day of my life." He took a deep breath and released it slowly. " Every second I live that's the promise I make. " I twisted in his arms so that I could face him. His eyelashes were wet.

We were so close I could taste his sweet breath. We were staring at each other not speaking. I had so many emotions flowing through me I was visibly shaking in his arms. He was too good. I didn't deserve him. He raised his hand and wiped a tear away from my cheek. When did I start crying?

" Oh Jacob," I said lamely and threw my hands around his neck. One of his hands cradled the back of my head. I began to weep into his neck; hard. He was whispering and cooing words into my ear, but I couldn't make them out. I was crying for so many reasons at once. I was crying because of how much Jake loved me, how much he cared for me, and for how much I was hurting him. I was also crying because of _him_. It hit me like a steel freight train when he left me, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to recover completely. Damn all of _them_. Most of all, I was crying because Jake didn't imprint on me. He didn't realize that I could never be with him for this reason. I could never tell him why.

After a few minutes my tears subsided. I lifted my head and looked at him a little embarrassed. He brushed some hair out of my face and smiled. " One day, " he stroked my cheek, " you will realize we are meant for each other." I rolled my eyes at him and giggled. The mood had shifted. Smart ass Jacob was back.

" Now, I think I should get you back home. We don't want Charlie knowing you sneaked out." He was right. It must be really late. I was sure I'd be a zombie at school tomorrow.

" Can you bring me here again? Next time maybe during the day so that I could appreciate it better. I really like it here." I looked at him questionably even though I already knew the answer.

He kissed the top of my head and stood up with me in his arms. " Of course."

He thought it would be better to carry me back home cradled in his arms. He said the reason for that was because he was afraid I would fall asleep. He was right. Halfway home I started struggling to stay awake. " It's okay Bells. You can sleep in my arms." And so I did.

* * *

If I get enough reviews for this chapter, I might just thank you all by posting the next chapter by the end of the weekend!


	13. Conversations

You rose into my life

Like a promised sunrise.

Brightening my days with the light in your eyes.

I've never been so strong,

Now I'm where I belong. "Where We Belong"

A Duet, Maya Angelou

* * *

" Hey Bella." Mike's eyes lingered at my breasts for a few seconds before he finally looked up at me and smiled. It was lunchtime and the usual gang was seated around the lunch table.

" Hey." I plopped down at the last empty seat and started picking at my salad. I wasn't sure how much sleep I had last night, but I was definetly exhausted. By the time Jacob brought me back home it was nearly dawn. I wonder if he's having as much trouble staying up in his classes as I am. I wonder if he's thinking about me at all.

" So the bonfire was tons of fun on Saturday, " quipped Lauren. She slowly looked around the table at everyone before meeting Jessica's eyes.

" We should consider doing it again sometime. Bel-la you never told us the Quillette boys were so good looking. Afraid of a little competition?" She laughed, trumping her manicured nails on the table.

" Quit it Lauren." Angela hissed.

I looked at Angela, surprised at her tone. She must be in a bad mood. It was unlike her to get angry or confrontational. Everyone else must have been surprised at her tone also, because it was quiet for a few seconds before Lauren finally spoke up again.

" I'm just kidding, relax girls." She looked at me and smiled coyly. " I was simply making an observation. The guys on the reservation are hot and Bella never mentioned that fact. Us girls will definetly have something to look at during our spring break trip." Jessica nodded her head excitedly at Lauren. I resisted the urge to sigh dramatically. Was sex and boys all Lauren ever thought about? Yeah, probably.

" Anyways," Mike looked a little annoyed. " Who else had a hangover on Sunday?" he questioned while raising his hand into the air. Both Lauren's and Ben's hands fluttered into the air instantly.

" Well, ladies and gentlemen"," continued Mike, his eyed growing big, excited. "I hope that was the practice round because Mike Newton," he pointed a thumb at his chest and I saw a few of the girls roll their eyes, " is turning nineteen in less than two weeks and you all are invited to my birthday party. It will be an event of the decade."

" Cool, I'm so there man." Ben blurted out a little too eagerly before shifting his eyes to Angela's face. She raised an eyebrow at him before shaking her head playfully.

Mike winked at Ben before looking at the rest of us.

" So, you girls are coming right?"

" Sure." Although birthday parties were nothing but bad memories in my personal life I knew I had to get over it and try and enjoy them as long as they were not mine. Both Jessica and Lauren nodded in confirmation.

No sooner do I hope the lunch bell is about to ring , freeing me from this wretched period, than does Laurens nasally voice drift towards me.

" I had no idea you were dating that guy Jacob Black."

" I'm not."

Clearly disbelieving, both her and Jessica's eyebrows shoot up.

" I would have guessed differently." She shrugs and looks away, pretending to be bored with our short conversation. She's obviously fishing for information. Wel,l I wasn't about to provide her with any details of my friendship with Jake. It was none of her business.

* * *

I'm walking leisurely down the now emptying school hallway towards the parking lot. I managed to only fall asleep twice during the entire day of classes and after jerking awake in English Lit and discovering some drool on my chin, I put a greater effort in staying awake the rest of the day. I was passing in front of the girls bathroom when suddenly the door flew open and a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me inside.

I let out a half strangled cry of surprise before registering it's Angela.

" Ang, let up on the wrist." I tell her. Tugging my arm back from her I rub the red marks hoping they won't bruise.

" Sorry." She walks towards the long vanity countertop and takes a seat on it. " I just really need to talk to you."

I can't help but notice that she looks really upset and tired. I instantly start feeling contrite; I've been too preoccupied with my own sad life, I rarely bother to ask her how she's doing. I take a seat next to her and wrap my arm around her shoulders.

" What's wrong Angela?"

After a few quick sniffles she jumps off the counter and quietly checks for any feet under the stall doors. Seeing none she turns and takes a seat in her old spot.

" It's sort of personal, but I have no one else to talk to about this." Her voice trails down to a whisper. I nod my head and motion for her to proceed.

" Well," she hesitates then looks at me and blushes.

" Angela, whatever it is I promise not to say anything to anyone. And I promise to try and help you if I can. Now, what's wrong?" I ask as gently as I can.

" Alright. Well Ben and I started having sex a few weeks ago."Her statement hangs in the air for a few seconds and when our eyes finally meet and we realize that we are both blushing profusely we break into a fit of laughter. I was suprised at the oddest spike of jealousy that rippled through me. I wasn't jealous of Ben. I was jealous of the fact that they could be with each other so casually while _him_ and I were barely able to make out. Fear of death or bodily injury was a very reliable method of birth control. None of that matters now anyways. He left me. I refocused my attention on Angela.

Taking a deep breath she continued," it's nice and all that, it's just that… I never have an orgasm."

Huh. Seeing how I had virtually zero experience when it came to sex or even foreplay I knew I was the last person who could give her any decent advice. Yet, when I looked over and saw her wide and pleading eyes I knew I had to tell her something productive.

" Did you talk to Ben about this?"

" No. I'm afraid he'll be upset and embarrassed." Rolling her eyes she continued, " I don't want to hurt his self esteem or his ego." I nodded my head in understanding. In a twisted way it did make sense that she wouldn't want to tell him. I'm sure the male ego can be a very fragile thing, especially when it came to sex.

A thought occurred to me. " Can't he, you know, tell that you're not having orgasms?" Her cheeks turned a deep shade of red and she looked away from me.

" I've been faking them."

" Angela!"

" I know!" Her head falls back on her shoulders and lightly thumps against the mirror. I grab some paper towels and put them in her hand when her mascara starts to run. After a few seconds of silence she throws the wet paper towels into the sink and faces me.

" The first time it hurt. Like a lot." She emphasizes the word a lot with an arm gesture. I bite my lip, my lack of experience making me unsure of what to say.

" But the first time is supposed to hurt, right?"

Realizing she is expecting an answer I manage a small nod and an, " I guess."

When I finally look back at her she has a strange expression on her face.

" What?"

" Umm, I didn't think you were a virgin." She says this slowly and quietly for reasons obvious to both of us.

" Oh. _Him_ and I never did that." She was smart enough not to question further and instead quickly refocused the conversation back to her problem.

" Maybe there's something wrong with me? I mean sex is a pretty straight forward thing, so if Ben is doing the act correctly it means that something is wrong with me." She sighs dramatically, " maybe I'm frigid."

" Please Angela, you are not frigid. I think that sex is a pretty straightforward thing for guys, maybe. Not for women. I'm pretty sure of it."

" There must be something wrong with me."

" No, Angela there isn't. The first thing you need to do is stop faking your orgasms. If you continue you will only make matters worse."

" Yeah, you're right."

" Let's see if there's a way to go about this without telling Ben." She perks up a little and a small smile appears on her lips.

I jump off the counter and begin to pace around the bathroom. " How about the next time you two are having sex you let him know whenever he does something that feels good." She blushes slightly but nods. " I also think it's a good idea if you steer him into what you want him to do. If small hints don't work there's nothing wrong with telling him you want him to touch you in a certain place or do a certain thing." I'm avoiding her direct gaze in order to make this easier on both of us. " You two are a couple and now lovers so there's nothing to be embarrassed about."

" Yeah, you're right. I'm so stupid for faking my orgasms. I just wanted to make Ben feel good. I know he was nervous about sex at the beginning." She lets out a big whoosh of air and jumps off the counter.

" You have no idea how much this conversation helped me. Thanks Bella."

" Sure, but sorry if my… lack of experience disappointed you. I'm sure otherwise I would have been able to help you better."

She snorts loudly before replying," You helped me perfectly, really. Enough about me. So… how is Jacob?" She asks smiling innocently.

"I'm sure he's fine."

" Aww, c'mon Bella I don't mean to pry and I don't expect you to divulge any details, but I'm honestly curious. You two left after the bonfire and hung out last night? Just give me something."

" There's nothing going on between us." She arched an eyebrow, "really. He put me in bed where I slept alone. The next day he came over with his dad and we watched some boring game on television."

" He really likes you. A lot." It wasn't a question, but a declaration.

" I know. He doesn't keep it a secret, but it's a little complicated."

" And you like him?" She said it in such a way that I wasn't sure if it was a question or an observation.

" I don't know, " I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. " like I said it's complicated Angela."

She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder " I think he could be really good for you Bella."

" I think you might be right." I whispered in reply.

I pushed the door to the bathroom and it flung open. "I'll see you tomorrow in school Ang." I called over my shoulder.

* * *

" I'm home Dad!" I tossed off my book bag, took off my boots, and made my way into the living room.

" Hey kiddo. There's a message for you on the phone." He didn't even bother looking away from the television. There must be another game on.

I was positive it was from Jake, but still decided to ask. " Who's it from dad, Jake?"

" No, the Emily girl I think. I didn't listen to the whole thing." Emily? That was a little unexpected. Was something up with the pack? I quickly dialed the message system growing more nervous by the second.

_Hey Bella, this is Emily. I was sure you would be home from school by now, but guess I'm wrong. Anyways I got your number from Jacob. I was hoping you would like to hang out with me tonight. There's a huge flea market going on in Port Angeles. I was thinking of buying a few things for the spring break trip. Let me know if you're interested. I'll be leaving at 4:30 so you can catch me till then. Bye._

Relief flooded over me instantly. Nothing was wrong. Jake was alright. She just wants to hang out. I didn't realize how tightly I was gripping the receiver until I put the phone down and saw that my knuckles were white. I was more than a little surprised at Emily's invitation. I'm not sure where her kindness comes from, but I was glad she didn't dislike me for always hurting Jacob. She is too nice to me, as is the rest of the pack. I looked at the clock. It was 4:23.

" Shit."

" Isabella! Language."

Oops. " Sorry dad." Our talk with Angela took longer than I thought. I dialed Emily's number quickly, hoping I would still catch her before she left.

She picked up the phone on the first ring. " Hello?"

" Emily it's Bella."

" Hey I was hoping you would call. So what do you think? Want to go to Port Angeles with me?" She asked a little timidly.

" Yeah I really would. Thanks for inviting me."

" Great. I'll pick you up in twenty minutes. See you then."

I threw the phone down , ran up the stairs, and quickly freshened up. I grabbed my wallet and my keys and came downstairs.

" I'm going to Port Angeles with Emily dad, I hope you don't mind." I threw in the last part in order to make him feel like I asked for permission.

" Alright, but remember it's a school night. I don't want you to stay out too long." He shifted on the sofa in order to look at me better. I saw his eyes flicker to the wallet I was holding. He stood up and pulled something out of his pocket, handing it to me.

" Here Bella."

I looked down and saw that he had given me a fifty dollar bill.

" No, Dad. You don't have to…"

" Stop right there Bells. You're my daughter so I can if I want to. And I want to." His tone rang with finality. I knew there was no arguing so I just nodded slightly.

" Thanks dad."

"Have a good evening kiddo. I'm glad you're hanging out with Emily."

Just then I heard a car pull up and honk twice.

" That's gotta be Emily. I won't be out too late dad. And again thank you." I waved the bill he had given me before sticking it in my wallet.


	14. a lil more conversation alil less action

Take my hand and follow me  
to that place I long to be.  
Take my hand and trust my way,  
in that place forever stay.  
Follow me toward the sand;  
we'll run and play, hand in hand.  
Take my heart and hold it true;  
forever I'll stay close to you.  
Seize my words and listen well,  
then forever I will tell.  
Release your heart and feelings too,  
just as I will do for you.  
Trust your heart and follow me,  
to that place we long to be.

* * *

" Hi Emily. Thanks for inviting me to come along with you." I smiled at her gently and put on my seat belt.

" Sure, " she smiled in return. " I don't know why we don't hang out more. We have so much in common," she giggled lightly and I looked at her, slightly confused. " We're both human, but very important to someone in the pack," she clarified. I blushed slightly, but agreed with her.

" So there's this big flea market going on in Port Angeles this week," she said as she pulled onto the highway. " I love going to those. There's so many interesting things to look at."

" Your right, " I looked out the window thoughtfully. " I went once with my mom in Phoenix. It was great. So what exactly are you thinking of buying?" I remember her saying she wanted to buy a few things for the spring break trip.

" Well, some girly things for start, and then I know Sam wanted a cooler for the trip. According to him any beer is a good one as long as it's a cold one."

We spent the rest of the drive talking about inconsequential things like Charlie's work, school, and even the weather. The drive to Port Angeles took us a little under an hour. We even managed to find a parking spot not too far from the market.

We exited the car and slowly made our way towards the stands. The place was crowded and loud. I could see all types of people browsing and haggling at various stands. There were senior citizens browsing slowly while holding hands, parents with young children, and even throngs of teenagers being boisterous. We began to browse the stands as well.

" The bonfire was nice on Saturday," Emily began. " I'm glad I got to meet your friends from school. I especially liked Angela. She is a sweet girl."

" She's a good friend to me, " I put down the necklace I was looking at and we moved on to the next stand. " but I'd say she's the only sweet one out of that bunch."

" Yes, you might be right, " Emily broke out in laughter.

" That one girl, Lauren right?" she questioned and I nodded. " She's a mean one. I hope you know she's not a good friend."

" Oh, I know. But I don't want to start anything with her." Memories from the bonfire assaulted me, memories of me hurting Jacob by making him jealous flooded back to me and a thought occurred to me.

" Emily, why is the pack so nice to me?" I didn't meet her eyes as I asked her this, instead I picked up a sundress and started playing with it. It was quiet for a second or two before she spoke up.

" What kind of silly question is that Bella? They are nice to you because they like you." When I looked at her disbelievingly she grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly.

" Bella the whole pack likes you. I like you. Do you think we are all nice to you just because Jake loves you?" she raised an eyebrow and waited for me to say something, but when I didn't answer she continued. " The fact that a pack member is in love with you just means that the rest of the pack would die in order to protect you. But that doesn't dictate personal likes or dislikes." She squeezed my hand even tighter. " We really do like you." I still had some doubts.

" Even though I was friends with… the enemy?" I asked quietly. She pulled me along to the next stand.

" That doesn't matter now. Sure some pack members were a little weary about that at first, but Jake trusts you completely , and because of that so does the rest of the pack." I nodded in understanding. We browsed in silence for a few minutes, both of us engrossed in our own thoughts. Something else occurred to me.

" But how can they like me when all I do is hurt Jake? He's not only like family to all of them, but their alpha on top of that." Suprisingly she giggled at that and motioned for me to follow her into the next stand. I was momentarily distracted by some paintings before looking at her expectantly.

"Sure it bothers them to see Jake upset or anything like that, but honestly more than anything they find it annoying because all his thoughts are consumed with you." She smiled at my blush and continued, " besides we're all waiting on the day when you finally realize that you two are made for each other," she announced with a wicked grin on her face. I shot her an exasperated look then began to chew on my lip nervously.

" Bella…" she said before appraising my face carefully.

" You know, " she began slowly, " I do think you feel something for Jake. We all think you do." When I tried to protest she raised her hands and pleaded for me to let her finish.

" Fine. Get it all out." I said, but not before turning around and pretending to be very interested in what looked like some stolen car radios.

" I also know you are still hurting over… _him_, " when I turned around and looked at her wide eyed for having brought him up, she shrugged apologetically and continued.

" but you do feel something for Jake. You know you do. You can trust him you know," she said walking up beside me, "he won't hurt you," she whispered.

I was suddenly, I realized, shaking. Two fat tears rolled down my cheeks and I wiped them quickly away, but not quickly enough; Emily noticed. She watched me thoughtfully for a few seconds.

" There's something else," she finally deducted confidently.

I ignored her statement and moved on to a stand full of pretty tank tops. I couldn't tell her about my imprinting fears, she would surely tell Jacob or Sam. I needed to calm myself down. I picked up the first blouse my fingertips touched and began haggling about the price. Out of the corner of my eye I could feel Emily studying me. After the clerk wrapped up my purchase, a black tank top I realized, that's when I finally turned around and looked at Emily. She was still studying me intently , the small frown on her forehead was proof of that. I decided to change the topic.

" So how did Sam adopt to not being in charge?" I ventured.

" He's more relaxed," she said smiling to herself. Something about the way she said it made my cheeks turn pink. " The whole pack is that much more fine tuned with the rightful person being Alpha. The whole pack is happier I would say."

" That's good. "

We shopped for a while in silence then, Emily eventually picking up two skirts and a few beach towels. When we stumbled upon a stand full of nothing but skimpy bikinis something I have failed to realize until this moment occurred to me.

" Crap."

" What is it ?" Emily asked worriedly but I couldn't answer her. Instead I just stared at her stupidly.

" Bella?"

" I just realized that I will have to wear one of those during our spring break," I whispered shakily while pointing a finger at the line of bikinis in front of us.

There was a moment of silence before she bust out laughing.

" Oh Bella, you have nothing to worry about. You have a great figure."

" I've never been so.. naked… in front of anyone before. The whole pack will be there." Impossibly , I felt myself turn even more pale. " Oh shit, Jake will also be there. I'm gonna die Emily." When I managed to pull my eyes away from the bikinis long enough to meet her gaze she had an amused expression on her face.

" You're insane Bella. You don't even realize how gorgeous you are do you?" I rolled my eyes and she continued. " You have a hot little body and boobs to die for. You will fill this," she gestured to a tiny black bikini, " amazingly. And drive Jake insane the whole time. Trust me."

She's just comforting you Bella, don't be fooled. If I remember correctly I have a one piece someone at home that I wore a lot when I was a kid. It had a full back and front. So what if it looks like a diving suit.

" Umm, I'll just wear a one piece I've had for years."

She snorted loudly before answering, " you would if you were ten. Trust me Bella. Here, you like blue right?" She picked up a tiny deep blue bikini and waved it in front of my face. Unable to form a witty response I just nodded.

" Great, because this will look amazing on you. I'm getting this for you just so you know."

" Emily fine. I'll wear it during our trip. Let me pay for it." I yanked it away from her and for the first time took a good look at it.

" I'm gonna need to shave completely." When I realized that I had said it out loud I blushed furiously. Next to me I could hear Emily giggling.

" Yes, or I can take you waxing if you like. I'm going, right before the trip." Oh hell. I heard that's painful. At least it's better than chancing shaving and ending up with a bunch of shaving bumps.

" Alright. Pencil me in." I said shyly.

" Great."

With my new tiny bikini paid for, we decided to stop in a small café for a quick bite. We took a seat at a small round table in the corner of the restaurant. To our amusement we both ordered the first thing off the menu.

The whole place had a hippy seventies vibe to it. It was full of teenagers and young adults who all seemed to be dressed in a similar way. There was even a small stage, with a guy playing a guitar number.

" You're such a kind person Emily. Your right, we should hang out more." She didn't say anything, but instead smiled widely and nodded her head in agreement. Just then the man on stage ended his song and through the silence we could hear a few girls snickering and talking about Emily's scar. They were seated a few tables behind us.

" I'm so sorry Emily. Don't let them upset you." I said as gently as I could.

She took a bite of her taco and chewed it thoroughly before answering, " It's alright. I'm used to it. The stares and the whispers don't bother me anymore."

" Are you sure you want to stay here? We can leave if you want?"

" Don't be silly. I am fine. Just ignore them." Her tone and her carefree expression convinced me that she really wasn't upset.

" Alright."

I took a bite of my taco and chewed it absentmindedly. I was so used to Emily and her scar that I never even paid attention to it anymore. Yet, I remembered the first time I saw it all those months ago. I too, had a hard time not gawking at it.

" Did Jake tell you how it happened?" she asked motioning to her scar. I must have been staring at it.

" Umm, not exactly. He just said that Sam lost control."

" Yes." She got a faraway look in her eyes. " You see it was after the first time we were intimate." I raised my eyebrows, surprised. " Leah still didn't know about Sam having imprinted on me. We both felt terribly guilty. We were arguing about how to tell her." She paused and ran a finger down her scar. " It happened so quickly I didn't even realize I've been hurt at first. Well, not until I had blood in my eye."

" I'm so sorry." I whispered.

" It's alright. The intensity of Sam's love, of our love, makes up for it a million times."

I didn't know what else to say and so I remained quiet. After a short pause she continued, " You see there's nothing stronger than imprinting. It means that two soul mates have found each other. Not only that, but the imprinting works to choose the best mate for a werewolf. Their gene needs to be passed on to future generations." She blushed slightly, " werewolves like to mate often, but that sounds sorta clinical. I guess I should of said that the mate of a werewolf finds herself on all fours quite often." She broke out in a loud fit of laughter. My cheeks were burning, but I still found myself giggling at her joke.

I met her gaze and she had a wicked gleam in her eye. " They have great stamina, you have no idea." She announced casually while winking at me. I felt like my whole face was on fire.

" Are you done? C'mon let's go back and walk around some more." Enough sexy talk.

" Sounds good."

We spent another hour walking around and people watching. When it got dark and chilly we decided it was time to head back to Forks. We were both quiet on the ride home, Emily listening to the radio, but probably just as lost in her own thoughts as I was. I couldnt get her words out of my head. _They have great stamina. You have no idea... _All of a sudden I became hot all over. I blushed and looked over at Emily. She met my gaze with what seemed like a knowing smile. I quickly looked out the window. Then, something else occured to me; Jacob will be using all that stamina of his on his imprint one day. It was just a matter of time before he found his soul mate, he was the Alpha after all. His genes were the best. Of course they would need to be passed on. I spent the rest of the ride home concentrating on not letting the tears that pooled up in my eyes spill over. He might love me now, but all of it will be overshadowed when he imprints.

* * *

Please, please review I read and take under consideration all of them. How am i doing so far? Lemme know.

I've had a few emails asking me about what the length of this story will be upon completion and of course even though I cant tell you that accurately, I am planning for at least a 200,000 word story. So hope you like em long. ( No the Jake and Bella dance of love will not span 200,000 words. ) I did promise lemons in the future and I plan to deliver:) Patience my dear, patience.


	15. Wants and Revelations

I feel you,  
oh how I feel you,  
so close  
though you're so far away  
your touch  
your mind  
your body...  
your soul  
next to me,  
beside me...  
with me  
Your touching me,  
mesmerizing me with your eyes  
filling me with your touch  
melting me with your sensuous kiss  
I taste your kiss,  
all day long,  
though I have yet to actually taste it  
I imagine,  
fantasize  
about you  
and my desire,  
my fantasies...  
my needs  
There's so much I desire -  
to be with you  
in every way possible...

* * *

**Jacob's POV **

I was running through the forest, the wind whipping past me. I knew Bella was hanging out with Emily tonight, and so I was completely free to do anything I wanted, but the only thing I wanted was to spend time with Bella.

I heard the crackle of minds and realized that most of the pack had phased.

_Bella. Oh Bella! Told you he would be thinking about her when we phased_.

_Shut it._ I silently growled.

I had no secrets from them. When we were wolves our minds were connected. I could hear theirs too, and most of them felt sorry for me. The rest were getting annoyed by my constant preoccupation with her.

_It will all work itself out man, you'll see, _ thought Seth.

_It's only a matter of time,_ added Sam. His thoughts were confident.

I quickened my pace, the thick green forest almost blurring around me. I didn't stop until I was practically back at La Push. I began to pace while waiting for the others to join me. After a little bit I could hear the sound of paws hitting the wet soil. Several seconds later Sam, Seth, and Embry emerged from over a hill.

_Who wants to watch over Bella and Emily?_ I asked through my thoughts. I wanted it to be me, but the guys all threw a hissy fit and demanded some male bonding time with me. Male bonding as in playing video games and eating too much junk food.

_I got it_ volunteered Seth.

_They're going to the annual flea market in Port Angeles. If you stay near the edge of the town you should be able to hear them._ No, I wasn't an obsessed stalker. We wouldn't be intruding on them if it wasn't for the faint smell of vampire we crossed a few days earlier. It looked like the bloodsucker was only passing through, but neither Sam nor I were about to let our women travel all the way to Port Angeles unprotected.

_Who do you want on patrol tonight?_ questioned Embry.

_It's Quil and Leah's turn._

_So let's go hang out at my place. Emily left dinner on the stove,_ thought Sam.

We silently agreed and began the run towards his house. Seth took off in the direction of Bella's. Not even a minute later we were behind Sam's house, a few feet in the forest. We wanted to make sure Seth got to Bella's before Emily picked her up. Through his mind I could see him approach her home from behind, stop at the edge of her yard, and take shelter behind some shrubs. I could make out the sound of Emily's engine in the distance. She was just pulling up in front of Bella's. Two quick honks.

" That's gotta be Emily. I won't be out too late dad. And again thank you," I heard my Bella's sweet voice from inside the house. A few seconds later- a door slam and feet pounding down the driveway.

_No worries. I got this._ Seth's mind was full of confidence and reassurance. He knew how important Bella was to me and Emily to Sam and his thoughts were soothing.

_You guys can go relax now._

Somewhat mollified, we phased back and went inside. I dropped on the sofa; my thoughts completely occupied with all things Bella. Maybe I'm being too complacent with her safety? I didn't doubt Seth's ability to protect them from harm, but I felt like it was my responsibility to make sure she was always safe. Stupid bloodsuckers aren't the only threat to her. She's just so small and delicate.

" It can't be healthy thinking about her all the time. Here," Embry handed me a full plate of food. " Let's play some video games."

Two plates of food and a couple of games later I still couldn't get Bella off my mind. I wondered if she was having a good time with Emily. I wondered what she and Emily were talking about. Did she think about me at all today? Does she miss me even a fraction of how much I miss her? I remembered the first time I had seen her on the beach with her friends. She'd been so beautiful and lovely. Then when she showed up with those broken bikes, she looked like a shell of a person she once was. She looked like a ghost. I hate Edward Cullen so fucking much. I wish I could rip him to little pieces and then use his head as a soccer ball.

" Easy man."

Huh? When I looked at Sam confused, he just motioned to my right hand. It was shaking and squeezing the arm rest with enough pressure to make it groan with strain.

" Emily loves this couch. She'll kill us if we damage it."

" Where is she anyways? Shouldn't they be back already?"

" Chill Jake. You know how women are. They probably can't decide what color panties to buy."

Oh God. The memory of Bella standing in my kitchen in nothing but her skimpy underwear and my tattered t shirt jumped into my mind. She looked like personified sex. Her thick hair cascading on either side of her beautiful face, her plump rose lips slightly moist, and those ivory legs which seemed to run for miles. The delicate curve of her hips and the slope of her amazing cleavage almost knocked me off my feet. I had no idea she owned underwear like that. I recalled thinking how soft the skin on her inner thighs must feel like. I wonder what it must feel like under my fingertips, under my tongue…

I unconsciously licked my lips and quickly looked at the guys. My breathing had picked up significantly, but they didn't seem to have noticed. Their attention was solely occupied by whatever game they were now playing.

I didn't sleep a wink that night, I sat on the couch trembling slightly and fighting the urge to run to the bathroom and jerk off all night. I couldn't do that, not with her in the house. Instead, I spent the whole night envisioning us making love to one another. I wondered about a million things, about a million different ways in which I would touch her. I remember tediously ignoring the straining erection in my shorts all night.

I keep the t shirt she wore that night in it's own drawer. I will never wash or wear it again. Unfortunately, the next day my mind slipped when we were phased and my nights activities slipped for all to hear. They had a huge laugh about it. They all tease me about it, especially Leah. Assholes.

I flew off the couch and headed towards the porch door.

" Where you going? It's almost your turn to play," asked Embry.

" To phase. I need to find out what's taking them so long. It's getting dark, they should be home already." I'm sure they would have made fun of me if it wasn't for the tone of my voice.

I walked across the small yard and into the forest a few feet, before stripping quickly and phasing.

It took me half a second to pick up Seth's thoughts.

_Hey,_ he thought. He was feeling both sad and annoyed that I came to check up on him.

_ I'm not checking up on you. You're doing great. You know how mental I am when it comes to Bella. It's nothing personal._ He immediately cheered up.

_ They're on the highway right now. I'm following them through the woods. They should be home soon._

I felt the crackle of more minds. Leah and Quil had phased for their patrol.

_Yo_

_ Why are you two phased?_ It took her a second to read our minds and see that we were watching Bella and Emily._ Oh._

_I'll see you at Sam's Seth. We're still playing video games. Leah, Quil, no slacking_. I phased back before I could hear any banter from the two of them. I redressed and headed back into the house.

Sam looked at me expectantly. He worried about Emily just as much as I did about Bella. He was just better at hiding it.

" Em should be here in about twenty."

He smiled slightly and went back to playing.

" Hey didn't someone say that it was my turn to play?" Now that I knew Bella would be home safe, my mood had drastically improved. I sat down and looked over in time to catch the joystick that Embry flung directly at my face.

" I should have just let it break on my face. You would have been in so much trouble with Emily," I muttered under my breath and they both broke out in laughter.

A few minutes later Seth strolled in, nodding at us before immediately going into the kitchen for a plate of food, I presumed. "Bella's home. Emily should be here in a few."

* * *

" Hey guys. Hi baby," Emily walked in through the kitchen and Sam immediately walked over to greet her. He easily flung her into his arms before placing her on the edge of the counter top and stepping in between her legs. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. I was surprised at the oddest spike of jealousy that ran up my spine. I wasn't jealous of Emily, I just wanted _that_ with Bella. When the kissing grew more intense Seth interjected.

" Hey, hey now you don't want to ruin my youthful innocence now do you?" he said jokingly.

" I'm pretty sure it was ruined in the first five minutes after you phased the first time," threw in Embry. Emily's face flooded with color and she hid her face in Sam's chest. Yeah, he was probably right. I've been exposed to more sexually explicit images while phased than I can recall. It was something you just had to deal with as a werewolf. Whenever Sam or Paul slipped and let through explicit images of lovemaking we tried to ignore them. Tried being the key word. I've learned more about sex from those two while phased than any book could ever teach me.

Sam shot Embry a dirty look before speaking, " so did you have fun with Bella baby?"

Yes, this is what I wanted to talk about also. Bella.

" We did. Oh, I bought you all some beach towels for the trip." She spilled them out of a plastic bag and onto the kitchen table. " You can choose whatever color you like best." The guys quickly dove for the towels , choosing their favorite. There was only one left on the table. Yellow it was.

" We made plans to hang out again."

" That's nice," answered Sam.

I too, was glad, that Bella decided to become better friends with Emily. But what I really wanted to know was if she said anything about me at all today. I didn't want to come right out and ask her, the guys would surely just make fun of me for my obsession. I looked at her imploringly and she smiled with what seemed like a knowing smile.

" Bella told me to say hi Jacob. She told me to tell you she had a great time with you last night."

Of course all the guys started howling and whistling. Pricks. They know very well that nothing happened.

" Assholes," I muttered and went to sit on the couch.

" He wishes! " yells Paul just as he walks in through the door. " Hey all."

Emily came and sat down next to me.

"Soon Jacob. I know it," she whispered the last part.

I wanted to believe her so badly. I knew Bella was no longer the shell of a person she once was. I am slowly and gradually fixing her, gluing her back together. I also knew she had feelings for me that were much stronger than those for just a friend. But she was stubborn and full of denial. I just needed to be patient until she realized it on her own.

" Explain to me again why you refuse to tell her she is your imprint?" asked Paul.

" I told you a thousand times." I stood up and began pacing around the tiny living room. " I know her. She is selfless. If I were to tell her that I imprinted on her all those months ago she would feel she needs to be with me out of obligation. She wouldn't want to break me so completely. I won't force her into anything. She knows imprints are very powerful and permanent. I want her to be with me because she is completely in love with me. And only me." I added the last part quietly and plopped back down on the couch. It was quiet for a few seconds. " One day, when she loves only me, I will tell her. But not before then."

" She does love you. She pushes the feeling away though. She's not completely healed. Not yet," Emily spoke.

" We're all aware of that," said Embry.

" And it's like she's afraid, I don't know how to explain it, but I have a feeling there might be something else to it also?" Emily continued.

" What do you mean?" I jumped up and crouched down in front of her. " Did she say something? What makes you think that?"

" I'm… not sure. Call it female intuition. But she does love you, very much."

My entire heart warmed at that.

" Well duh. Jake imprinted on her. Means they're soul mates. Of course she's gonna love him back." Quipped Leah. Her and Quil just walked in through the back. " Patrol all done, boss. All clear."

" And when she finally let's herself love you Jake, " began Paul, his eyes shining with mischief, " it's gonna be sexy time!" He yelled out and high fived a laughing Embry. That's it, I'm going to break his face. One more word. " We're all sick of living your wet dreams Jake, you'll finally be able to take them out on Bella!" I flew off the coach and towards Paul, but he was already running for the yard. I ran outside just in time to see Paul phase and take off into the woods. I wasn't about to fall for it this time. I turned back and headed into the house.

" I'm going home guys, remember you're not allowed to mention anything to Bella. She can't know." They nodded in understanding. I took off running down the beach. Two minutes later my head was hitting the pillow. I could faintly detect Bella's sweet smell on my pillow and sheets. I knew I would dream of her again.

* * *

Well??? What do you think?! Lemme know. REVIEW!


	16. Dreams

You couldn't understand,  
even if you tried,  
the reason that she cries at night,  
the reason she tries to hide.

Don't try to come close,  
she'll just push you away,  
there's something that you don't know,  
words she couldn't say.

She tries with all her might,  
to be herself around her friends,  
but something doesn't feel right,  
a broken heart that could not mend.

She pretends that she's strong,  
a tough outer shell,  
but there's always something wrong,  
she's trapped in her Hell.

She wants to speak,  
to tell you all the truth,  
but she is way too weak,  
broken without any glue.

Painfully shy;  
the bird that couldn't fly.  
Dying on the inside;  
a body without a mind.

Is anyone out there able to fix her ?

* * *

" _I will never leave you," Jacob whispered, pressing wet kisses up my neck and along my jaw to my ear. He covered my body with his, placing his forearms on either side of my face. His head lowered and he pressed his moist lips against mine. _

" _I will never hurt you," he breathed on my lips. I whimpered and attacked his mouth with mine, messily kissing him, my teeth pressing into his lips. He grunted softly and bucked his hips into mine gently._

" _Jacob," I moaned and his hips rocked against mine again, this time more forcefully._

" _God," he whispered hoarsely and trailed his tongue along my collarbone. " I have wanted to hear you say my name like that in so long."_

I smiled, and opened my eyes to complete darkness. It must be the middle of the night. I lay still and allowed my eyes to adjust to my surroundings. I knew precisely what had just happened. I had just dreamed of Jacob. _Jacob_. Not only did I not have a nightmare about him, but instead I had a very erotic dream about Jake. Surprisingly, I felt utterly calm, utterly serene, and even a little happy. I quickly replayed all the parts of the dream I could still remember and felt my cheeks and neck turn hot with my blush. I had not really thought of my best friend this way before, but surprisingly I was not completely mortified at the train of thought in my head. Jake was beautiful in every single way and for some reason he loved me. My brain must have just expressed all this knowledge in the form of an erotic dream.

Just then, a noise at my window broke my train of thought_. Is someone out there? _My heart started pounding frantically in my chest. I slid of the bed and pulled the curtain open. _Jacob_. I was both relieved and confused at the same time.

" What are you doing here?" I whispered, knowing he would be able to hear me.

His lips mouthed for me to open the window. Was he really going to climb into my bedroom in the middle of the night? I hesitated, unsure of what to do. I didn't want Charlie waking up and finding Jake in my bedroom. That would be really bad, but one look at his pleading face and I conceded. I pushed the window up and climbed back into bed.

He jumped lithely through the window and smiled breathtakingly at me. I arched an eyebrow in response. I was waiting for an explanation as to why he was lurking around my yard in the middle of the night. He rolled his eyes before taking a step towards the bed and freezing. His eyes dilated and a strange expression crossed his face.

" Jake? "Why is he acting so strange? I looked down at myself. No, I wasn't naked.

" Is something wrong?" I untangled myself from the sheets and scooted to the edge of the bed.

He exhaled slowly and shook his head once.

" Nothing is wrong," he whispered hoarsely and sat down next to me.

" What were you doing? How come you're awake?"

_Why was I awake_? The memory of my erotic dream hit me full force and I blushed , breaking eye contact with Jake. I swear I saw an amused expression cross his face before I looked away.

" I had a dream. And I woke up." I said and waved my hand dismissively.

" The more important question is why you are lurking outside my window in the middle of the night?"

" I was patrolling the nearby area when I heard you talking. At first I thought you were talking to Charlie, but then I realized you were talking in your sleep." He paused ,studying my reaction. I looked away and bit my lip nervously. Oh God. What did I say? Is this why he looks so strange?

" And once I realized that you had woken up I decided to come in and say hi. I missed you. I haven't seen you in days Bella." He grabbed my hand and gently skimmed his lips across my knuckles. His eyes seemed darker than usual. I realized his entire chest was expanding and contracting with the deep breaths he was taking. It almost looked like he was _tasting the air? _

" Why are you breathing like that?" He couldn't be tired.

He seemed to be contemplating on how to answer me. Seconds passed and he still didn't say anything.

" Jake?"

" I can smell you, you know."

I looked at him confused. Did I smell bad? I took a shower before I went to sleep.

" What do you mean?"

" Bella," he started off slowly. Was he blushing?

" I can smell you… your… arousal." He whispered huskily.

I kept looking at him like an idiot. It took me a few seconds for what he had just said to click together.

" Jacob. Oh my god." Heat flooded my entire face and I tried twisting away from him, but he held my hand tightly. _When did I? The dream! _

" Shh. It's okay. I could have lied, but I'm being honest with you here." He attempted eye contact with me, but I kept looking away. " That's why I was acting like an idiot when I came in." He paused and took another deep breath. I groaned , completely mortified. " You smell, phenomenal."

I still couldn't meet his eyes. I attempted to twist away from him again. Instead of letting me go, he pulled me in tightly against his chest.

" Don't be embarrassed honey. You really do smell phenomenal." He let out a shaky breath " Better than I ever imagined."

I groaned and molded myself closer against him. At least this way I didn't have to look at him. I refused to analyze what he must be thinking or the fact that he just admitted to having imagined how my… how I might smell like. Minutes passed before I finally looked up at him. He smiled.

" Okay. These are just some of the things I have to deal with you being a werewolf and all. " I shot him a glare when he chuckled.

" So does that mean you're going to tell me what your dream was about?" He laughed quietly when I tried to smack him.

" Not a chance. It's late. Shouldn't you be out somewhere peeing on a tree?" This time when I tried untwisting myself from him, he let me. I crawled under my covers.

" I really did miss you Bells. I haven't seen you at all this week."

" I know. I missed you too." His face softened and he smiled at my words. " I've just been swamped with homework that's all"

We both yawned at the same time.

" You look so exhausted. How long were you on patrol? "

" A few hours."

" You should go home and get some sleep."

" I don't want to leave." Something about the way he said it made me feel that he desperately _needed _to be close to me. I wouldn't make him leave.

He wanted permission to sleep over. I quickly scanned my room. No, I wouldn't make him sleep on the floor.

" Climb in," I whispered quietly and patted the spot next to me.

A huge smile broke out on his face and he nodded eagerly. He looked both cute and positively beautiful climbing under my covers. My small bed barely provided enough room for the both of us. I turned around so that I could face him.

" No funny business." I warned jokingly and attempted to give him a stern look.

He chuckled darkly and pulled me in close. I brought my nose against his naked chest and inhaled deeply.

" I love the way you smell. "

" I love the way _you _smell," he retorted huskily.

Hell, I walked myself into that one.

After a few minutes of him humming into my ear, I found myself completely relaxing in his arms. They felt so strong. I would never tell him that his strength secretly thrilled me.

" Bells?"

" Hmm?"

" The pack is hanging out in Port Angeles tomorrow. Wanna come ?"

" Sure. Count me in. " I mumbled sleepily against his chest.

" Good." He pulled me in tighter and brushed his lips against my forehead. They seemed hotter than the rest of him.

As I was entering the first stages of sleep and on the last verge of consciousness I swear I heard Jake whisper ,

" Fuck, I love you so much."

But maybe I was already dreaming.

* * *

Sorry about the long absence. Please leave comments and reviews ! They always make me wanna put out the next chapter faster!


	17. Longing

_I watch as the moonlight_

_sends a chill down your spine_

_as we are encircled in darkness_

_may our souls of black combine_

_a violent embrace_

_a ghoulish caress_

_while i gaze into your eyes_

_i see your heart is burning_

_burning_

_and then at this moment..._

_i....realize i burn for you as well_

_i crave the same feelings_

_and i cry the same song_

_i've yearned for a spirit much like yours_

_to calm my passions...to heal my wounds_

_i'll inhale your sweet scents of purity and ecstasy_

_to only exhale my thoughts_

_which were once my fears_

_i want you now more than ever_

_to hold a frail heart_

_to kiss away my death_

_to breathe into and again..._

_become lost in our body's of two_

_but our souls as one_

_it's the way i thought it to be_

_it's the depthness of my dreams_

_my way of righteousness_

_my reason for living......_

* * *

**_I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update! * peeks from behind the couch* This chapter was originally part of a much longer one, but I decided to cut it and at least post something now before the rest of it is completed. I just didnt want to keep you guys waiting any longer. I know how it feels like. AubreeCullen this is for you! ( see your emails dont always delay the posting lol) Next lengthier chapter up in a few days! Please review or comment. _**

**Jacob's POV **

I close my eyes and try to focus on something mundane, non erotic, but with Bella breathing softly in my ear it's next to impossible. Images keep spinning through my head torturing me repeatedly, until I practically ache with need. Though I ache for her, my superhuman body has given me the gift of control over my hormones.

Her body is completely relaxed around mine. I draw her closer, straightening my arms to their full extent. I graze the backs of her thighs with my fingertips and groan. They are softer than silk. I want to run my hands up her thighs and cup her delectable perfect … _god_. I want to tear her shirt away from her body and feel her nipples press against my skin. I want to lick her lower lip and then suck it into my mouth. I need her skin, bare and perfect and satin and hot all around me. I need things I can't need, want things I can't have. I clench my fists so tightly, if there was anything in my hands it would have disintegrated from the force. I let out a shaky breath and force my body to relax as much as possible. I am just happy to be here, in this moment, holding her in my arms and enjoying the night.

Her body is cooler than mine, but still hot. Slowly, my fingertips trace up, along the bumps of her delicate spine. I trace my hands outwards and along the sharper bones of her shoulder blades and then dip below each one with a little more pressure. I'm rewarded with a tiny noise in the back of her throat and her sleeping form melts into mine even more. I feel like I'm on the brink of insanity.

" Easy Black." My voice still has a husky quality in it.

The sound that came out of my mouth when I heard her moan my name in her sleep could only be described as guttural. Her voice was the voice from my fantasies, but better. I instantly became so hard it was nearly painful. Right then and there, I decided to climb in through her window and say hi. I already knew she was awake and I also knew I would not last another day without seeing her beautiful face. I let out a shaky breath.

What I didn't know was that as soon as I enter her bedroom, I would be slammed with the smell of her arousal. Honey, vanilla, and an earthy sweet musk all combined together. It was completely Bella and it was now my new favorite scent. The second I smelled her I had to freeze and quickly collect myself. I was so terrified I would become hard as a rock and undoubtedly frighten her. That would have been a little more than awkward.

I skim my lips across her flushed cheek and plant a feather light kiss on the tip of her small nose. I close my eyes and pray I'll be able to get some sleep tonight.

* * *

The morning sun is coming out and I watch it sweep across the bed. Bella shifts slightly and I can't help but smile. Last night was the best night of my life.

Both her breathing and heart beat are changing and I know it's only minutes before she wakes. I hope she won't be too startled when she realizes she's draped all over me.

She shifts again and her eyelashes tickle my chest as she flutters them open. She's perfectly still for one, two, three seconds before I feel her blush sweep over her.

* * *

I know it's short Im sorry! U can yell at me in the reviews section!


	18. Anticipation

_Meet me in outer space  
We could spend the night, watch the earth come up  
I've grown tired of that place, wont you come with me  
We could start again  
How do you do it, make me feel like I do  
How do you do it, it's better than I ever knew  
Meet me in outer space  
I will hold you close, If you're afraid of heights  
I need you to see this place, It might be the only way  
That I can show you how, it feels to be inside of you  
How do you it, make me feel like I do  
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew  
How do you do it, make me feel like I do  
- Incubus_

_The morning sun is coming out and I watch it sweep across the bed. Bella shifts slightly and I can't help but smile. Last night was the best night of my life._

_Both her breathing and heart beat are changing and I know it's only minutes before she wakes. I hope she won't be too startled when she realizes she's draped all over me._

_She shifts again and her eyelashes tickle my chest as she flutters them open. She's perfectly still for one, two, three seconds before I feel her blush sweep over her._

**Jacob's POV **

I was worried, unsure of how she would react.

" Hi, " she barely breathed and began to untangle herself from me. Unwillingly, I loosened my hold on her and let her go. She sat up slowly, stretching her arms above her head. She rubbed her eyes and pulled some hair away from her slightly damp face. Our eyes finally met and she blushed.

" I…," she began to speak but I put my fingers over lips, quieting her.

She started to protest weakly but when I murmured the word " Charlie, " her eyes grew wide in alarm.

" It's ok," I whispered quickly so she didn't t have time to panic. " He's downstairs eating breakfast. Just make sure you whisper." Clearly relieved, she nodded once.

" Umm, I'm sorry I was all over you like that," she muttered awkwardly not quite meeting my eyes.  
" You could have shoved me over. You…"

She was clearly embarrassed so I cut her off.

" Relax Bells," I murmured. " I was comfortable. It felt amazing to hold you" I said, meeting her eyes. We both smiled.

" It was nice" she breathed and bit her lip. She looked adorably rumpled.

" Soo, I'm still a little surprised you allowed me to sleep over last night."

" Hmm, I know. Charlie would kill me if he knew. He'd probably shoot you and then be surprised at how fast you'd heal." She put a hand over her mouth in an attempt to suppress her quiet giggles.

" I know," I looked at her with a smirk, " but I bet his expression would have been priceless."

Rolling her eyes at me she gets out of bed and puts a sweatshirt on over her tank top. I could no longer see the creamy skin of her arms and delicate shoulders. This was a sadness.

" Is Emily going to be there tonight?" she asks suddenly.

" She is."

" Good."

She looks both happy and relieved at the news and I can't help and wonder why. She kneels on the bed and sits down, tucking her heels underneath her behind.

She sighs loudly then whispers, " so what's the plan for tonight anyways?"

" Not sure," I'm lying but of course she doesn't know that. I'm afraid if she knew the truth she might be a little hesitant to go. " But it's going to be fun."

I can tell her curiosity is not completely satisfied, but believing me she lets it go.

" So do you often sneak around my yard at night?"

I snort loudly and reply," First I don't even have to be sneaky. A parade could be marching down your street and you probably wouldn't even wake up." She rolls her eyes and I continue," and I was a good distance away when I heard you talking in your sleep." When I finish speaking I meaningfully raise an eyebrow. Of course I'm alluding to the fact that she moaned my name in her sleep and when she figures this out she blushes and stands up. She jumps slightly when she hears Charlie's cruiser start. I guess she didn't hear him leave the house and walk down the wet driveway.

" Whatever Jake, you want some breakfast or not?" Her voice is laced with embarrassment and annoyance and she is no longer whispering.

" I'm always up for some grub, but I should get going. The pack is gonna start wondering where I am." I jump out of bed lithely and walk towards her. She's standing in the doorway and seems a little disappointed that I won't be staying for breakfast. Good.

" I understand. So what time do I need to be ready? " she asks softly.

" Seven thirty should be fine."

I put my hands on top of her shoulders and squeeze lightly. She smiles and I brush a kiss on her forehead before turning away and walking towards the window.

" Charlie's gone. You can use the door you know."

I laugh and look over my shoulder ," Now what would be the fun in that?"

My feet hit the wet soil and I'm instantly off, running for the woods. The second I pass the tree line I phase, and am instantly bombarded with thoughts from Leah. I barely catch something about Sam before she quickly switches her thoughts.

_Is our leader finally a man?_ she quirks, clearly amused.

_Shut it and tell me what's going on. Any more signs of her? _

We haven't caught a whiff of the bloodsucker for about a week but something about the trail she left tells me this wasn't just a random passing by. She's been all around the old Cullen territory and somehow knew not to get too close to the reservation. It wasn't one of the Cullen's, that's for sure, we were all too familiar with their individual stenches. Even after all these months we still caught lingering scents of them.

_Nothing new to report. _

Her thoughts go back to the day she first stumbled on the bloodsuckers scent. She was alone at the time, but from the strength of the trails she knew the bloodsucker was close. Very close. Not wanting to warn the leech she choose not to howl for backup and instead pursued the trail on her own. Yet the bloodsucker must have known it was being followed because eventually the trail became erratic, branching off to many dead ends. Just how close did she get? Leah swears she saw a flash of strawberry-blond hair. Yeah, we all know she did. Her memories don't lie. She shouldn't have pursued a leech on her own. She could have easily been killed. The thought makes me bristle.

_Next time you don't go in alone_. It's not advice but an order. In my mind I see her slump slightly.

_Understood_.

My stomach grumbles and I feel like I'm about to pass out from starvation but thankfully I'm almost at the reservation. I'm running full force now, the thought of food making me drool.

_Eww._

Leah's thoughts once again invade my mind_. _I ignore her.

_So anyways how was the night at Bella's_ ?

Damn. Her direct question triggers all the memories from last night to go running through my mind and hers too, of course. She knows everything that happened; and everything that didn't. I need to really work on controlling my thoughts. She's laughing now and I try to think of as many profanities as I can.

_Aww, cmon I didn't know you were going to spill everything. I was honestly curious._

I pretend I can't hear her. Please, just a few more seconds and I'll be at the reservation.

_And I won't even make any crude remarks about the fact that you're new favorite scent is Bella's p…_

I phase back, cutting off Leah's crass thoughts. I swiftly put on my shorts and make my way into the house. I can hear Billy cooking eggs. Perfect.

" Hey dad."

" Son."

I know that tone. It's the tribal tone. Something is on his mind and I'm positive he's going to let me know what that something is. He hands me a plate full of eggs and I take a seat at our small kitchen table.

" You look tired."

I don't say anything and just nod.

" Patrolling all night?" Ok. That question probably means that he knows I was not out all night patrolling. One of the pack members must have stopped by here earlier this morning.

" I slept over Bella's."

I see his lip twitch. He's fighting a smile.

" Did she finally come to her senses?" he leans in. " Did you tell her you imprinted on her ?"

" Whoa dad no. I just.. well she was awake so I came up and ended up sleeping over." He clearly looks disappointed. He doesn't say anything, instead he looks out the window thoughtfully. " She doesn't know a thing."

" Charlie would have shot you if he caught you in his daughter's bedroom in the middle of the night."

I snort but murmur, " yeah probably."

I clean up after breakfast and make my way into my bedroom. I quickly grab a fresh pair of shorts and a clean t-shirt and make my way into the bathroom.

I turn the knob to cold and strip quickly. The ice water feels nice going down my back. I'm trying to be good, I'm trying not to think of Bella but I fail miserably. I close my eyes and remember the delicate feel of her in my arms. Instantly my mind wonders how it would feel like to kiss her. God to touch her. All these places I want to explore, to make her moan my name like that again. I take a deep breath and try to focus. I grab my unscented soap and start to scrub my torso; hard. Anything to distract me from thoughts of Bella. It's not working. I brace my hands against the tiles and attempt to calm myself down. Instead I wonder about how she would sound if I was making love to her. Would she moan my name and scratch my back? Would she tell me how she wants it? Would she whisper dirty things in my ear? Why can't she admit already that she loves me too?

"Jake! How you doin man ?" Paul ducks under the doorway and proceeds to slap me on the back . Although I can't read his thoughts I can only imagine what he's heard. His stupid grin gives him away. My temper flares when I notice that everyone, Sam, Embry, Seth , and even Emily have a range of amused expressions plastered all over their faces. Leah must have spilled.

" Hello Billy. How are you?" Emily as always, greets my father sweetly.

" I'm fine thank you." He looks around at everyone.

" So big plans tonight?" he asks.

" Yeah we're going to a strip club," jokes Paul.

" Then we're going to rob a bank," adds Embry.

" and set the police station on fire, " murmurs Sam. I can tell they are all trying very hard not to laugh.

Billy, too, is trying not to brake into laughter. " Alright, just don't drive drunk," he says and leaves the room.

I shoot them all a dirty look and go to my room to change for tonight. I pick out a pair of faded blue jeans that hang low on my waist and a black t-shirt. I can't wait to see what Bella will be wearing.

We all pile into Paul's SUV and head towards Forks to pick up my Bella. When the car grew quiet I knew I was in trouble.

" So…," Embry begins, and I know it's about to start.

" What?" I growl and shoot him a warning look which he ignores.

" you almost sprung a boner in front of Bella?" he finishes his sentence quickly and everyone breaks into laughter.

Both Sam and Seth have to hold me down in my seat.

" If you so much as mention one detail in front of Bella I swear to God I will rip your arms off," I mutter.

I'm about to attempt to punch him again but he honks twice and I look around confused. Oh, we're by Bella's already.

" Don't honk. That's rude," I shake off Sam and Seth and walk out of the car. Slowly I walk towards the front door and ring the doorbell once. Instantly I can hear Bella run down the stairs and make her way towards the front door. I can't help but smile. She flings the front door open and I inhale a sharp breath; she looks beyond sexy. Emily must have warned her about where we were going.

I also post this story at lemonjuicy

Theres a slightly juicier and dirtier Jake shower scene over there.


	19. Into the Night part one

_There's no combination of words_

_I could put on the back of a postcard,_

_No song that I could sing_

_But I can try for your heart,_

_Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,_

_Like a shoebox of photographs,_

_With sepiatone loving,_

_Love is the answer_

_At least for most of the questions in my heart ,_

_Like why are we here? And where do we go?_

_And how come it's so hard?_

_It's not always easy,_

_And sometimes life can be deceiving,_

_I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together_

_And all of these moments_

_Just might find their way into my dreams tonight_

_But I know that they'll be gone,_

_When the morning light sings_

_And brings new things,_

_But tomorrow night you see_

_That they'll be gone too,_

_Too many things I have to do,_

_But if all of these dreams might find their way_

_Into my day to day scene_

_I'll be under the impression,_

_I was somewhere in-between_

_With only two,_

_Just me and you_

_Not so many things we got to do,_

_Or places we got to be_

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

_MMM, We're somewhere in-between together_

_Well, it's always better when we're together_

_Yeah, it's always better when we're together_

_Better Together, Jack Johnson_

_First of all, thank you to everyone who has ever left me a review! Also thank you to everyone who has emailed me saying they loved Jake's little shower scene. As promised this chapter is my longest yet, and I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it._

* * *

_**Bella's POV **_

_Slowly. _

_Slowly. _

I leaned back to make sure both eyes were even.

_Yes._

After having to wash my eyes several times I was finally able to line my lids with black liquid eyeliner evenly. I don't wear makeup on a regular basis but I just might have to rethink that. My eyes looked bigger and as a whole I looked older, sexier. My hair was already straightened and left hanging down around my shoulders. After a few coats of mascara and some clear lip gloss I padded back into my room. There is no doubt in my mind that tonight I would have to wear clothes bought by Renee. I let my towel drop to the floor and opened the underwear drawer. I immediately grabbed a push up bra, sorry boobs, and black matching panties. Next I walked over to my closet and pulled out the bin full of clothes that Renee bought me, and most of which I have never worn. I dragged it into the middle of the room and pried off the lid.

_Alright, stay calm Bella_. I thought to myself.

I almost had a panic attack after Emily phoned me two hours ago and oh, so kindly informed me we were going to a nightclub. Not just any nightclub but a twenty one and over nightclub. When my heart slowed to an acceptable pace, I tried putting up one hell of a fight. When I argued that none of us would get in, she countered that Paul knew someone working the door and the fact that all of the boys looked at least twenty one. When I argued that I don't want to lie to my father she just snorted, loudly. Finally, when I disputed that I have absolutely nothing to wear to a night club, she volunteered borrowing clothes. I thanked her but refused, having figured that whatever she would have brought would have been way to sexy for my taste.

I put the lid down and peeked inside.

_Crap._

This is going to be painful. I tossed some tiny skirts aside immediately. A nightclub means I will probably be dancing at some point, and I just didn't feel comfortable dancing in a barely there skirt. I also bypassed some halter tops and tube tops. Just as I was getting nervous that I would honestly have nothing semi comfortable to wear, I spotted a pair of black short shorts. They looked promising so I tried them on. They were snug and not too short. A little more excited now, I kneeled back down and determinedly searched for a top to go with it.

_Yes._

I pulled out the light gray baby tee and threw it on. I looked myself over in the mirror. The baby tee was a little tighter and more low cut than I expected but I loved it. My cleavage was nicely framed and the whole outfit looked sexy as hell. I actually felt alluring.

_Thank you mom._

Now I needed the perfect pair of shoes and I already know what they were. I went back into my closet and from all the way in the back, I pulled out the cutest pair of black pumps. Alice had insisted on buying me those at one of our shopping excursions. The second I thought of _them_ I immediately felt a sharp pang in my chest. No. I refused to get sad and quickly pushed those thoughts away.

I sat down on the bed and started fidgeting nervously. I had about twenty more minutes before Jake and the rest of the gang were supposed to pick me up. So I practiced walking in my heels, I reapplied more lip gloss, brushed my hair again, checked for any spots I might have missed when shaving .I even applied lotion to my legs. I've never been clubbing and I was more than a little nervous, but excited too.

A sharp knock on my bedroom door made me yelp in surprise.

" Sorry, " muttered Charlie, " I just wanted to check what you're plans are for tonight."

I quickly threw on a robe over my, what I'm sure Charlie would say was, too sexy of an outfit.

" Come in."

" Hey kiddo." I smiled and asked him how his day was. He didn't miss that my hair and makeup was done.

" So what are the big plans?"

" Dancing." I answered shrugging my shoulders. I attempted to downplay it as much as possible so he wouldn't feel like he needed to pry.

He attempts to hide a smile before answering, " I didn't picture you the dancing type Bells."

" Yeah me too."

He walks over to my desk ," here", and pulls out what looks like a few twenties and places them on the desk. He shoots me a look, daring me to protest.

" Thanks dad."

" Well, I'm going to hit the sack early tonight." He turns and starts to leave my room, but before he closes the door completely he pauses.

" Is Jake going to be there?"

" He is."

" Good." He looks relieved. "Be careful tonight Bella but have fun."

As soon as he closes the door I throw off my robe and look at the clock. If Jake's punctual as usual he'll be here in five minutes. I'm excited to see him already.

I still can't believe Jake smelled my arousal. The thought makes me cringe, it's beyond embarrassing. Stupid werewolf senses. Although I only vaguely remember parts of my dream, the parts I do remember were pretty sexy. I don't even want to think about the things I might have said in my sleep. The sane and sensible part of me still couldn't believe I let Jake sleep over. The emotional and yes, horny, side of me was more than a little excited. I felt so small and delicate in his arms. His heat enveloped me like a cocoon. His strong and steady heartbeat lulled me to sleep. It was one of the best nights of sleep I've had in months.

The sexual tension between us is beyond electric. Just hearing his husky voice over the phone sends a thrill up and down my spine. Everything intensifies to an almost absurd proportion when we are in close proximity of each other. His gaze is becoming more and more heated and even if I look away I can still feel it's trail burning my skin like a million tiny shower sparks. Am I attracted to him too? Beyond question. Do I love him? I'm… not sure. But it could be less than effortless to allow myself.

_Oh Jake._

Do I wish he wasn't a werewolf so that I wouldn't have to fear him imprinting on some girl? Yes and no. I love the way he is now, so strong and confident. It secretly thrills me . If he were human would I stop denying my feelings for him? I don't know. I'm still…

Two loud honks pull me out of my contemplations.

_They're here._

I slide of the bed and look myself over in the mirror one last time. The doorbell rings once and I grab the cash from my desk and make my way downstairs . I'm not sure if I'm more nervous or excited.

I fling the door open and see Jake standing there, looking dangerously handsome in a nice pair of jeans and fitted black tee.

" Fuck Bella," he breathes. " You look gorgeous."

I blush but thank him. It almost looks like he is struggling to keep his eyes on my face. He hands out his hand wordlessly when I eye the wet stairs nervously. After all I've been known to stumble on nonexistent barriers before, he must be worried about me falling.

He opens the rear door of the SUV and I look up to see everyone grinning stupidly at me.

" You look amazing!" squeals Emily.

" How are we all going to fit?" I ask. There is barely enough room and Jake and I aren't even in the car yet.

" Oh please," asserts Paul and grins mischievously. " You just need to sit on Jacob's lap."

He's right. Jake brushes past me and squeezes into the car. He twists and wordlessly pulls me onto his lap then shuts the door.

Seth is squeezed right against us and next to him is Sam with Emily on his lap. Paul is driving and in the passenger's seat next to him is Embry playing with the radio.

" Where's Leah?" I ask

" She'll be there a little later," murmurs Jake. His breath fans against the side of my cheek deliciously and I shiver. Emily caught it and smiled at me wickedly.

" So Seth," I say, because something just occurred to me. " You frequent adult nightclubs often?"

Although we were all obviously too young to enter legally, Seth was what, fifteen?

Everyone breaks into laughter.

" Oh you know," he starts off smiling broadly, " would anyone believe I was only fifteen anyways? I mean look at this hunky body!"

He makes a show of flexing his arm. I easily notice muscles rolling underneath his shirt and giggle while all the guys groan in unison.

" You're gonna be a real casanova tonight Seth," mumbles Sam.

" So what is this place called anyways Paul?" Emily asks softly.

" Zero Gravity."

Someone snorts loudly, Embry I think.

" What kind of music do they play there?"

" I dunno, " Paul answers and looks at me in the rearview mirror. " Trance, techno , pop, you know club music."

" Oh God." I groan and look at Jake in panic. I can't dance to techno or any other type of club music. That takes grace, elegance, and confidence. All three things I don't have.

" Don't worry, " he whispers and puts his arms around me. " You'll be fine."

Jacob shifts underneath me, and for a few seconds lifts his thigh along with me sitting on it as if I weighed nothing at all. Biting my lip I look out the window. Yep, his strength definitely thrills me. Taking a deep breath, I pretend not to notice the trail of warm shower sparks I can suddenly feel traveling up my exposed legs; or the tingle that flies down my spine in reaction.

* * *

Neon blue letters flash above the entrance, emblazoning the words " Zero Gravity" against the night sky. The air is cool and you can almost taste everyone's excitement in the atmosphere. I can practically feel my ribcage tremble in unison with the music and bass coming from inside the club. We walk right past the line, the bouncers, and in the door. I'm all too aware of every pair of eyes directed our way.

We walked into the club and I looked around nervously. It was dark. Bright lights flashed to the beat of the music and blue lasers swirled around the walls and ceiling. Dark couches lined the walls and there was a huge square shaped bar in the middle. When a series of bright lights came on momentarily, I noticed there was also a second floor with balconies. The place wasn't packet yet, probably because it was early. Paul headed straight for the bar while Jake guided the rest of us towards a booth that was large enough to fit all of us. I sat down next to Emily and Jake slid in next to me. Within seconds Paul was back with a tray of drinks.

Both Emily and I were handed the same kind of drinks. They were orange and red with an umbrella sticking out of it. The guys were drinking what looked like whiskey. Yuck. I took a sip of mine. It tasted fruity.

" What is this drink called?" I asked no one in particular.

I heard Jake chuckle but it was Paul who leaned in , cocked an eyebrow, and answered, " Sex on the beach."

Oh my. I had no idea the names could get so scandalous. I felt my face heat up and heard Emily giggling next to me.

" It's very good," she mused. " The more you have it the more you like it." Everyone at the table started laughing. I was pretty sure she wasn't referring to the drinks anymore.

I noticed the club was becoming more packed now, and a bunch of brave souls were dancing on the dance floor to a song called " Cry for You" by September, a song I surprisingly knew.

" Three more weeks till spring break. You girl's excited?" asked Seth.

" I am," answered Emily before looking at me. I nodded in agreement.

She continued," besides the ocean should be getting warmer by then so hopefully I'll be able to take a swim in it. It's been months." The image of the tiny blue bikini Emily made me buy popped into my mind and I held back a cringe.

" Must suck. The water is never cold for us," blurted Embry.

" Thank you for pointing out the obvious, " Emily retorted.

" You ever seen Lauren's cottage? There are private rooms right?" Sam asked me and leaned down to kiss Emily on the forehead. So sweet.

" Umm yeah, she said there are a couple spare bedrooms." Both Sam and Emily looked relieved. It was obvious why they would want a private room to themselves. Emily finished the remainder of her drink and turned to me.

" I'm going to the bathroom. Wanna come?"

" Sure."

Jake slides out of his seat to let us pass.

Paul snorts and says," See I don't get it. What are you girls gonna be doing in there? Holding each other's hands?"

I roll my eyes at him before walking away. I can hear the guys laughing behind me. I stay close to Emily and we push our way through the throngs of people. Damn. There's a pretty long line stretching out of the bathroom. We have no choice but to wait.

Emily leans in close and asks," Are you having fun?"

" I am."

" Emily! Bella!" We both look up and see Leah walking towards us. She's wearing a fabulous red mini dress.

" Hey guys you both look amazing!" She smiles at both of us. " Bella you looking hot. I guarantee that you made Jacob's cock twitch more than once tonight!"

Oh my god. I feel my whole face and chest turn red. Next to me I see both Leah and Emily laughing hysterically and nodding at each other. I couldn't help it, a few giggles escaped me too.

" I love your dress by the way, " I say and she thanks me.

We finally make it inside the bathroom and after I quickly pee inside a stall that reeks of vomit, I walk up to the long vanity mirror to check if my makeup is still holding up okay. By the time I dig out my lip gloss, both Leah and Emily are checking themselves out next to me. I notice Emily studying me.

" What?" I ask.

" Nothing," she giggles. " Just have fun tonight okay? Don't think too much, just enjoy yourself."

Before I get a chance to ask her what she means, Leah grabs both of us and starts dragging us out of the bathroom. She's strong. Sometimes I tend to forget that she is a werewolf too. When she let's go of my wrist I notice that her fingers left pink marks behind.

" So," she begins, " a round of drinks before we get out on the dance floor?"

" Sounds good."

We make our way through the crowd and back to the guys. They all look relieved and happy to see us back. I sit down and see that we have a second round of drinks already waiting for us on the table.

" A piss break is like a whole excursion for you guys isn't it ?" says Paul laughing. " I can't believe you guys were gone twenty minutes."

" Missed me?" I ask Jake jokingly.

" Intensely," he murmurs back ,smiling.

I take a sip of my drink and look around. Leah is engrossed in a conversation with Paul and Embry. Emily is sitting on Sam's lap and they are both whispering in each other's ears and laughing. I felt like I was intruding so I quickly looked away.

I turned my head back to Jake. " Where's Seth?"

He nodded towards the dance floor. Indeed there he was, a head taller than everyone else, dancing and pumping his hands in the air. It looked like he was really enjoying himself.

" Do you want to dance?"

" No Jake." I whispered quickly. He looked disappointed. " Not yet. Maybe in a little while." I took another sip of my drink.

He twisted so that he was facing towards me and pushed a lock of hair out of my face." Alright but you owe me a dance."

I nodded at him sheepishly. I was nervous about dancing in general. The thought of dancing with Jake made me twice as nervous. He would see just how uncoordinated I really was.

" Who's up for a game of pool?" asked Paul suddenly.

" You guys should go," spoke up Emily. " Us girls are gonna hang out by ourselves for a bit?" She asked looking at Leah and then me. We both nodded. I was horrible at pool. No need to let everyone know.

" You'll be fine?" asked Jake.

" Of course. Go. This way we can talk about you guys !"

His eyes sparkled and he laughed a throaty laugh before unexpectedly kissing me on the forehead and walking away. I turned back to the girls. They were both watching me closely.

" What? He does that all the time."

Emily threw me an exasperated look.

" You have strong feelings for Jake," stated Leah.

" Of course," I replied. " He's my best friend."

" Stronger feelings than that for just a friend," she continued. I didn't miss the fact that she made air quotes when she said the word friend.

" He's just my best friend guys." I could never admit the truth to them.

" Denial is also a river in Egypt, " murmured Emily and softly put an arm around me. I shot her a glare and finish the rest of my drink.

" I don't understand…," Leah mused. She was playing with her empty glass and seemed to be talking to herself. She looked up and locked eyes with Emily for a few seconds. Although they weren't speaking I could tell something passed between them. She suddenly smirked, then got up wordlessly and headed straight for the bar. I looked at Emily questionably but she just smiled.

" Anyways, I'm going to get waxed in about two weeks. You still coming right?"

Her unexpected question made my cheeks turn pink. I really have to work on controlling that.

" That bikini leaves me no other choice. I'm still in."

" I thought so."

She grabbed my hand and motioned for me to slide out of the seat. " Let's go!"

" What?" I was more than a little confused. She laughed and again motioned for me to slide out of my seat. I did and she followed suit. Grabbing my hand again she started walking towards the bar. I tried to keep up with her without tripping. Leah was already there waving at us. Lined up in front of her was a row of six colored shots.

" What the hell are those?" I asked stupidly.

" Shots silly. Two for each of us!" sang Emily. My heart started pounding fast from both nerves and excitement.

Leah handed us the first shots. " Here," she said laughing. " We could all use a screaming orgasm!"

Assuming that's the name of the shot I laughed , nodded, and took the shot from her.

"Cheers." I said and raised my glass into the air. They followed suit. The taste was different than I expected, it was a little stronger, and it burned my throat as it went down. We all slammed our now empty glasses on the bar at almost the same time and laughed.

I picked up the next shot and examined it. It was mostly orange.

" What is this one called?" I was almost too scared to ask, but curiosity won out.

Before the girls could enlighten me the bartender leaned in and uttered, " This, beautiful, is a slow comfortable screw." He smiled wickedly at what I'm sure was my startled reaction and winked before walking away. I turned back to Emily and Leah and we all howled in laughter. I noticed that my mood was better and I was even lightly swaying to the music. I must be buzzed. We all raised our second shots into the air. Just as we slammed the empty glasses on the bar the music changed.

" Oh!" Emily exclaimed. " I looove this song!" she yelled even though we were inches away. " Let's go dance! "

She turned around and started pushing though the crowd and towards the dance floor. I too kinda recognized the song, " Love Me" by Daniel Bovie I think, and I actually liked it too. Taking a deep breath I followed after Leah and Emily. There was no turning back now.

I joined them in the middle of the dance floor and began to shake my hips hesitantly. But after a few minutes I loosened up. I was feeling uncharacteristically confident; most likely due to the alcohol and my sexy outfit. The atmosphere, combined with the rhythm of the music, overtook my body. I moved my hands above my head and began to sway my hips. I was pleased to discover I could keep up with the tempo. I also noticed I attracted a lot of appreciative looks from the males around me.

Suddenly I felt a pair of hands on my hips. I inhaled a sharp breath and jumped slightly. But then I realized the hands were very large and very warm. I relaxed immediately.

A soft breath sent tingles down my spine. Jake's lips brushed my ear as he murmured,

" I'm here to claim that dance you owe me."

He pulled me against his chest closing the small space between us.

* * *

_Well let me know what you think? Also out of curiosity does anyone actually look up the song titles I use?_

_Oh crystal ball tell me what is going to happen in the next chapter?_

_( crystal ball ) I foresee hot and heavy flirting , more maybe? It's all very blurry not set in stone_

_you gave me nothing crystal ball_

_I'd say I'm sorry but I'd have to lie. will have to wait and see _

_If I receive at least 30 reviews for this chapter the next chapter will be up by the weekend. :)_

_oh and yay ( does little happy dance) I passed the 40,000 mark!_


	20. Into the Night part two

__

_I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw  
I wanna stand out in a crowd for you  
A man among men  
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been_

_I'm gonna be here for you from now on  
This you know somehow  
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now  
And I'm gonna make you a promise  
If there's life after this  
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss_

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you  
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us  
I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you  
And I'll win your trust by making memories of us

_Hello my pretties. ( evil laugh) Well here it is- Part two of Into The Night. The response to the last chapter was overwhelming; I'm just glad you all liked it. Also, a warm hello to all my new subscribers. _

* * *

_**Bella's POV **_

When Jake gently pulled me back against his warm chest my entire form immediately molded against him. It happened involuntarily and completely without thought. It was just my body's natural reaction to his closeness. My traitor body betrayed me. I was unsure of what to think of what was suddenly happening. My body was just dying to be close to him and it acted, completely on its own, as if it was attached to strings that he suddenly controlled.

When he was sure I wouldn't push him away, his hands tightened on my hips and he began to slowly sway to the rhythm of the music. My hips automatically moved with his. My heels meant there was less of a height difference between us, and he lowered his head and rested his chin on my right shoulder. Unsure of what to do with my hands, I placed them over his. I closed my eyes and focused on staying calm. Slowly, the noise and the crowd seemed to filter out and all I could hear were Jacob's shallow breaths in my ear. All I could focus on was how good his body felt pressed up against mine. My hands moved above my head of their own accord, and slowly, my fingertips dragged along his neck, before my hands fisted in the back of his hair roughly. I felt him shudder and slowly slide his hands around my torso, somehow pulling me into him even closer. The energy between us was beyond magnetic. I could almost taste it in the air around us. I opened my eyes lazily and looked around. Yes, we were still clubbing and there was still a mob of people around us. I registered that Leah and Emily were no longer dancing around us.

Although my body was officially a traitor, some small part of my brain was still screaming at me to abort. I think it was the part connected to my heart. My heart must be desperately trying to protect itself from possibly getting shattered again. It must know it won't survive it again. Oh God, it's already too late. There is no way I will survive Jacob imprinting on some girl.

A single loud sob escaped my lips before I could stop myself. Jacob immediately froze and spun me around so I was facing him.

" Bella?"

I just shook my head, my eyes pleading for him to just let it go. I attempted to get close to him again, but he gently tightened his hands around my arms, stopping me.

" Did I do something wrong?"

I don't think I have ever seen his eyes so intense. It was like he was desperately trying, praying, he could read my mind.

" No Jake, " I wailed and with all my strength threw myself at him hoping he would let me get close to him. He did. I slammed into his chest and quickly wrapped my fingers in his hair before nuzzling into his neck. My entire body was trembling and in desperate need of contact with him. After a second of hesitation, his hands slowly ran down my back before wrapping around my waist deliciously tight. It wasn't enough. I yanked his head down, forcing him to nuzzle my neck. He made a very guttural noise in the back of his throat that shot straight through my entire body, before settling in the pit of my stomach.

We were no longer dancing to whatever was playing. We were in our own world, the chemistry and the draw so intense it felt like a heavy fog had settled around us, making our movements slow and sensual. It was too much and not enough all at the same time. I'm not sure what it was we were doing, but it was no longer dancing. This was desperate and primal and completely consuming. I didn't know where it would end and it completely terrified me.

I was no longer in control of my hands. They were running through his hair and down his neck. When that wasn't enough I leaned my torso slightly away from him, and began running my hands over his perfect shoulders and down his muscular arms. Back and forth. I was desperate for something, for anything. His whole chest was rising up and down with each of his labored breaths, and I could feel his eyes burning into my face. I couldn't meet his eyes, I just couldn't. I was too afraid.

I smashed my chest against his and began running my hands up and down his back. I needed more. I began scratching my nails up and down his sculpted back with all the strength I had. He moaned into my neck before shoving his muscular thigh between my legs. It took me a second to realize his hand was splayed out on my bare thigh, right below my butt. He was perfectly still, waiting for my reaction. Before I could really think my body betrayed me once again. My arms went around his neck and my hips rolled against his thigh. I heard his breath hitch in his throat and he brought his free hand and wrapped it around my waist, bringing me in closer against him.

I was in heaven and in hell. I didn't want to think about what this would mean for us tomorrow. I didn't want to think if I would be upset with myself or even more in love with him. Yes of course I love him. I'm so stupid. How will I ever survive this ?

I raised my head and for the first time met his eyes. Ignoring my blush or the reaction to look away, I attempted to communicate everything I'm feeling, and everything I'm afraid of with my eyes. I could see the love pouring out of every single cell in his body, from the way he looked at me, to the passionate way he was holding me ,to the small smile playing on his lips.

_Oh, Jacob._

I could feel my breaths coming in faster, something was building up inside of me. It was desperation. Desperation to hold on to him and give in to everything I want. But also desperation to let him go and attempt to protect my fragile heart.

A low growl jarred me out of my thoughts. I was momentarily confused before I realized the growl came from Jacob. It was something like a human version of a growl.

_Oh._

My nails were digging into his biceps. I couldn't get myself to pull them away. I looked back at his face and realized his eyes were glazed over with pure lust. Everything in his face screamed of desire; his breaths were shallow and quick, lips slightly parted. His pink tongue darted out of his mouth and wetted his lips. I looked back at his eyes and realized he wasn't even blinking. Our bodies were still wrapped around each other, moving sensually, but our faces were inches apart, silently questioning each other. I could taste his breath on my tongue. Should I? All it would take is to slightly lean in…

Before I could spare another second, before my brain could scream bloody murder for me to abort, my face was moving in, angling itself towards his lips.

I saw a flash of movement and realized the hand that was previously around my waist was now gently wrapped around my neck, essentially stopping me from kissing him. Shocked, I looked up into his eyes questionably. Still keeping his hand on my neck, he brushed his thumb back and forth across my lips several times before releasing a loud breath and looking at me.

" Tell me you really want this."

I knew exactly what he was asking. Tell me this isn't the alcohol talking, tell me you are done with denial. Tell me you love me too. We stood like that for an indefinite amount of time, our lips almost touching, our eyes locked.

"I'm so afraid." I breathed, my voice breaking.

" I know," he murmured back. " And for the life of me I can't figure out why."

* * *

_( Peeks out from behind the couch) Well ? Anyone ? What did you guys think ? Please let me know in a review! I'm dying to see what you guys thought. You dont want me to die, I mean who will write the next chapter?_

_Oh crystal ball what will happen in the next chapter ?_

_**hehehehehe **_

_You're mean today, crystal ball. _


	21. Into the Night part three

_Help, I have done it again_  
_I have been here many times before_  
_I hurt myself again today_  
_And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

_Be my friend_  
_Hold me, wrap me up_  
_Unfold me_  
_I am small_  
_and needy_  
_Warm me up_  
_And breathe me_

_Ouch_

_I have lost myself again_  
_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_  
_Yeah I think that I might break_  
_Lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

_Be my friend_  
_Hold me, wrap me up_  
_Unfold me_  
_I am small_  
_and needy_  
_Warm me up_  
_And breathe me_

- _Sia, Breathe Me _

_" Tell me you really want this."_

_I knew exactly what he was asking. Tell me this isn't the alcohol talking, tell me you are done with denial. Tell me you love me too. We stood like that for an indefinite amount of time, our lips almost touching, our eyes locked._

_"I'm so afraid." I breathed, my voice breaking._

_" I know," he murmured back. " And for the life of me I can't figure out why."_

**Bella's POV **

" Jacob," I stuttered shaking my head once. My eyes pleaded with him to just let it go.

_Please. _

My nails were still digging into his biceps but he didn't seem to care.

" Tell me," he whispered. " Please."

No. He can't know the truth. It would break him. He wasn't going to give up easily. I could feel it. I could sense his determination.

My entire body was trembling now, and I'm not sure I would have been able to keep upright if it wasn't for Jake's strong hands wrapped around my waist.

I couldn't form any words; my brain was battling my heart with what to say.

" Tell me," he pleaded, pressing his soft warm lips against my cheek.

" No, Jake. No."

I tried to move away but his hands formed gentle shackles around my wrists. He pulled me to him roughly, holding me gently by my upper arms as he tried to make eye contact with me. I refused to look at him and closed my eyes. Suddenly, I was being pulled off the dance floor. My eyes cracked open.

" Where are we going?" I asked.

As soon as I asked the question I realized I didn't need to, because in a matter of seconds he managed to pull me through the crowd and out the back door. Before my eyes could adjust to the darkness in the alley, I was spun around and pressed up against the wall. I blinked a few times and waited for my eyes to adjust. As soon as they did, I met Jake's eyes. They burned with unparalleled ferocity. His gaze held so much emotion a whimper escaped me of it's own accord. There was no way he missed it. He placed his hands on either side of my face then leaned in slightly.

" What are you afraid of ?" he demanded. I immediately recognized his alpha tone.

I have to lie… or something. I can't hurt him by telling him the truth, and I'm too selfish to loose him. I have to be strong for him, for me.

" I…I dunno why I said that Jake." I stammered stupidly.

" Liar."

I bit my lip and refused to look at him. Two warm fingers caught my chin and pushed it upwards.

" You were always a bad liar Bells. You still are."

My eyes met his and he smiled gently. He was so beautiful. No. Don't think thoughts like this. You are only making it harder down the line. I have to push all those confusing feelings, the weak, pathetic impulses that flood through my veins at the sight of his perfect face…

I have to push them down, push them away. We are not destined for each other. The fact that he didn't imprint on me proves it. He will find his soul mate, alphas always do.

Pain and sadness must have rippled through my features because suddenly Jacob's warm hands were cupping my face.

" Bella?" my name was a question.

_I'm in love with you Jake_

" It's nothing," I lied.

" Really, I don't know why I said that." I continued.

" Maybe what I meant was that I was afraid because a second before you rejected my kiss." I felt my cheeks flame up. Maybe he would believe me, it did make some sense.

" Yes, that," he whispered.

His entire face was aglow with emotion, with… no I refused to see it. He leaned in closer and I took a tiny step backwards. My thighs pressed up against the cold concrete wall.

" It took every ounce of will power I have to stop you honey."

I felt my blush spread down my neck and chest. " I'm sor..." He quickly pressed a finger against my lips, stopping me.

" No Bella. Don't you dare apologize for that, " he whispered quietly. " You have no idea what it means to me." He shook his head in frustration before looking back at me. " Just don't apologize for that. And if you regret it I don't want to know."

" Jake, I… I…"

" Do you regret it?" he asked suddenly.

Didn't he just say he didn't want to know? His face was serious, jaw tense. He was braced, ready, in case I said the words he didn't want to hear. But did I regret it? Yes and no.

" I, well, I'm not sure." I paused. He didn't even blink. He was waiting for me to elaborate.

" The way we were dancing, the way you were looking at me, and holding me, well," I hesitated, " it felt incredible."

The last word rolled off my tongue slowly, shyly. Maybe I should have used a different word because as soon as it left my mouth I saw his mouth twitch into a smile but he didn't say anything. He still wanted me to continue. And for some reason I did.

" I mean, you must have felt it too!" I blurted. " The current, the electricity between us in that moment…" I trailed off, embarrassed. I've said too much. I felt the gentlest caress on my forehead a second before I registered what it is. Jacob's incredibly soft lips.

" Yes," he breathed against my skin. " I feel it _all_ the time. Sometimes I think it will bring me down to my knees."

I started trembling again. There were too many emotions going through my heart, and through my head.

" Now, tell me what you're afraid of," he murmured.

His lips brushed against my skin and I whimpered. I should have known he wouldn't believe my earlier lie.

Placing a soft kiss on my forehead he whispered, "are you afraid of what I am?"

" Of course not," I answered almost angrily. I placed my hand over his heart and smiled. His heartbeat was strong and steady. " You're Jacob. I love everything about you."

Lips softer than petals brushed against my forehead before kissing my left eyelid. " So you love me then?" he teased , _I think_.

I refused to take the question too seriously. " Of course. You're my best friend and the most important person in my life."

His lips brushed across my eyelid and down my nose before blessing the tip of it with a kiss. I didn't dare meet his eyes.

" And you think I'm sort of beautiful yes?" His sweet breath blew across my face.

" You are beautiful." I barely breathed, but I knew he heard me. A quiet noise in the back of his throat told me so.

This time his lips delicately brushed up my nose and across my right eyelid before planting a soft kiss there. I was pretty sure my knees were a second from giving out, so I put a hand on his shoulder for some much needed support.

" You are so beautiful Bella. So alluring." His voice a few octaves lower.

After a short pause he continued, " I love your spirit," his lips traveled lazily down my cheek. " I love your passion, your bravery." A soft kiss to my cheek. My eyes closed and I prayed I wouldn't pass out.

" I love your capacity to love," he murmured, skimming his lips closer to where I wanted to feel them.

" I love your stubbornness," his lips traveled langorously down my cheek to the very edge of my lips, planting tiny butterfly kisses as they went. There they paused, and I could feel him hesitating, gauging my reaction.

Well? Lemme know what you think! Should Bella and Jake finally kiss in the next chapter? My mind is already made up, but I'd still like to hear what you think.

Also sorry about the long break, I know how it feels to wait and wait for a story to update. Trust me I do.

If you like my story and think it's good please recommend it to your friends. If I get a good response from this chapter I'll post the next chapter this weekend. :)

'


	22. Into the Night part four

_I want to hold the hand inside you  
I want to take a breath that's true  
I look to you and I see nothing  
I look to you to see the truth  
You live your life  
You go in shadows  
You'll come apart and you'll go blind  
Some kind of light into your darkness  
Colors your eyes with what's not there._

Fade into you  
Strange you never knew  
Fade into you  
I think it's strange you never knew

A stranger's light comes on slowly  
A stranger's heart without a home  
You put your hands into your head  
And then smiles cover your heart

_-Mazzy Star Fade Into You_

…_his lips traveled langorously down my cheek to the very edge of my lips, planting tiny butterfly kisses as they went. There they paused, and I could feel him hesitating, gauging my reaction._

**Bella's POV **

I could faintly taste Jake's breath on my tongue; warm, light, and sweet. His lips are millimeters from mine; his heartbeat no longer steady. His body heat is so intense that I can feel it permeating my skin and settling into my muscles, weakening them.

When his hand raises and gently cradles my face I panic and a lung full of air stutters past my lips. Needing to hide I press my face into his chest. I can feel his body tense up, but after several seconds he relaxes and locks his arms around me.

I feel his lips touch my ear and a shiver gently shudders down my spine in reaction, followed by another as I feel his lips move against my skin when he speaks.

"I'm sorry."

"Jake just don't. It's, it's… alright." What I'm saying doesn't really make any sense. I've given him just a vague reprimand because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but right now I'm both thrilled and horrified at the fact that he just tried to kiss me.

"Are you afraid I'll hurt you?" he asks softly.

"No." I'm not sure if he means physically or emotionally but I know it's smarter not to ask. He might become suspicious. "You will never hurt me."

_Physically_. I add to myself.

"Are you afraid I'd make a bad boyfriend?"

"What kind of silly question is that?" I ask. "I don't even know why you would ask that."

"I'm never going to give up on us Bells," he murmurs.

I don't respond, instead I slide my hands up into his hair and pull his face into my neck. I take in an erratic breath, sucking in a lung full of his sweet scent, and feel him mirror my breath with one of his own. After a few seconds he pulls back and looks down at me.

"Why are you pretending you don't have feelings for me?"

I instantly break eye contact and blush profusely. I hear him chuckle and proceed to shoot him a dirty look.

"I'm not pretending anything Jacob. I love you. You're my best friend."

He rolls his eyes. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that I'm just a best friend?" he whispers, with just enough hint of a growl in his voice I can tell he's irritated with me.

"You've gotten really pushy lately you know. You just keep pushing and pushing the boundaries." I try to emphasize my lame words by pushing myself away, but he doesn't let me move an inch.

"Several weeks ago you would have never let me hold you the way I am now," he says. "You would have never allowed me to plant kisses all over your face or come so close to kissing you on the lips."

"Jake," I start but he cuts me off.

"Just listen Bells." I huff in exasperation but nod for him to continue.

"So don't you see? It's progress. I'm happy with progress. Bella, one day you will realize we are meant for each other."

_Oh Jake, no we are not._

A hysterical giggle works its way pass my throat, but it comes out as a sob, and I start to tremble in reaction. A warm hand gently angles my face upwards.

"Is it still _him_?" His voice is quiet, detached. There's no need for names, I know exactly who he means. I look into his eyes only to discern that he is no longer looking at me, instead he's staring at the wall beside my head. The arm around my waist is now trembling.

"No."

His hands stop shaking and he pulls me infinitesimally closer to him.

"Good. That's good," he murmurs as if almost to himself. Finally he looks back at me and smiles a breathtaking smile. He looks very relieved and very happy. His sudden mood shift is infectious and I find myself grinning at him too.

But after a few seconds he becomes serious and takes my hand in his. He's looking at me, brow furrowed.

"I don't want you to think that I just want your body," he says quietly.

I exhaled and placed our intertwined hands over his heart. "That thought never crossed my mind Jake. I would never think that."

"Good," he whispered. "It's just…" He swallowed, "I don't ever want you to think that it's just one thing I'm after or…"

I cut him off. "Shh… I know."

He watched my lips and then looked up at me murmuring, "I think you know this, but I'm a virgin."

"Jacob," I murmured .I couldn't meet his eyes and didn't know what to say to that. Did he want to hear that I'm a virgin too? Does he think that Edward and I…did _that_? By admitting he's a virgin is he trying to make me see that he's not just after _that_?

He must have been embarrassed also because he buried his face in my hair and inhaled deeply before continuing. "I'm not sure why I just told you that. I guess I just want you to know that I am."

I nodded against his chest.

"I mean you've heard Paul bragging about sleeping with random women before, I don't want you to think that I do things like that as well."

I finally met his eyes. "I know you don't. Jake _I know you_."

He closed his eyes and smiled but didn't say anything. Was it my turn to tell him I'm a virgin? Will he think I slept with Edward if I don't say anything? _Probably._ No, knowing how much he despises their kind, I don't want him thinking I slept with Edward.

"Umm, I never slept with him." I breathed, completely flustered.

"Oh," he murmured and I watched him sweep his tongue between his lips. I longed to kiss him so much. I wanted to tell him I love him and kiss him for hours.

"Thank you for telling me. You didn't have to."

I shrugged and looked up at him. "I wanted you to know, I mean I know you despise them, and …"

He interrupted me, stopping me with two fingers on my lips. "I didn't think you did. I mean I sort off always knew you were still a virgin. It was a feeling I had. There's an aura of innocence and tenderness around you. That's how I always knew."

"Well you were right."

"Besides I know it's impossible for their kind, well more specifically for males, to be with a woman and not crush her bones."

I swallowed heavily and stared at him for what felt like an eternity. His eyes were dark with intensity, but happy. I was happy too. Happy to be here with Jacob, to be out on the town in general. I didn't want to talk about _them_.

"You're acting different Jake. Are you very buzzed?"

"No, not at all. I would have to chug an entire bottle to feel anything." I feel my eyes widen at his words and he shrugs. "My body burns through the alcohol too quickly." Huh. Must be a werewolf thing.

"So do you ever think about it?" he asks, smiling.

"Think about what?" I have no idea what he's talking about.

"Kissing me."

"What? No."

"You're such a bad liar." He raises an eyebrow. "You tried to kiss me tonight."

"Jacob! Stop asking stupid questions."

He regards me thoughtfully for a few seconds. "Do you ever think about how it will feel like?"

I blush and blurt out, "no," immediately. The lie is so transparent it makes Jake roll his eyes. I shake my head at him slowly and hope he lets it go.

"I'll take that as a yes then."

He goes on. "What about you Bells? Just how liquored up are you?" He asks teasingly. "Are you sloshed? Glazed? Or just buzzed?"

I smack his chest playfully. "I am not any of those things!"

"Well, you did almost let me kiss you tonight," he says cheekily. "From now on I'll have to keep a bottle handy."

"Jacob!"

Laughing, he picks me up for a brief second before putting me back down. Before I can speak his head turns sharply towards the club doors; it appears as if he is waiting for something to happen.

Two seconds later the door bursts open and Leah comes waltzing through, drink in hand.

"Enough you two. Jacob are you gonna stand there pawing at her all night?"She pulls me out of Jacob's arms and shoves a drink in my hand. "C'mon Bella, let's go to the bathroom."

"I don't have to pee."

"Keep me company."

"Fine," I mutter and we walk back inside, heading straight for the bathrooms. The line is long but I can see Emily waving and grinning at us. She saved us a spot in line.

"Hey! Where has Jacob been hiding you?" Emily asks with a gleam in her eye. Before I have a chance to answer, they both burst into a fit of giggles. I'm not sure what they think happened outside, but I have a feeling they will be greatly disappointed.

We finally make it inside the washroom which over the course of the last few hours has become very messy. Wet paper napkins are thrown all over the counter and floor and one of the toilets seems to be leaking water onto the floor. The whole space smells of urine, vomit, and cheap perfume. Dutifully, I hold the girls purses while they go pee.

"So, Bella," stars of Leah and I can't help but gulp reflexively. Her eyes are full of mischief. "I had no idea you could be such a little slut! The way you and Jacob were dancing was positively sinful!" Biting my lip I hand her a paper towel so she can dry her hands.

"You guys saw that huh?"

"Everyone saw that!" professes Emily. She even uses funny hand gestures to emphasize the word everyone. "You guys looked completely lost in each other."

"Sooo?" asks Leah.

"What?"

"What happened in the alley? Are you two together?"

I chew on my lip nervously. "No we are not. I don't understand why everyone wants me and Jake to be a couple so much. Everyone knows we're best friends."

Leah snorts loudly and crosses her arms. "Right. I dare you to look me in the eye right now and say there is no sexual tension between you guys." I feel my face heat up but refuse to say anything.

"You can practically cut it with a knife," whispers Emily.

"Of course Jake is beautiful. Everyone can see that. And him, well he's just a guy. Girls are probably always on his mind." I say dismissively.

"Just one," says Leah.

"Just you," adds Emily.

"I know he likes me. He's made that very clear to me." Both of them have stopped playing with their hair and are listening intently. "But I just _cant_."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why?" She repeats and I could hear in Leah's voice that she is getting a little annoyed. "You said you think he's hot."

"Beautiful." I say, correcting her.

"Fine, beautiful. But that means you also think he's hot and don't try to deny it."

"Okay." I finish my drink and place the cup on the counter. I need to get away from these two. They are having way too much fun drilling me.

"And he's your best friend which just means you two get along great and like being around each other," continues Leah.

"We do."

"Then what is the problem? Shouldn't you want to be with someone like that? Please clue me into what the problem is because frankly, this makes no sense to any of us." I look at Emily for help but see that she's also waiting for me to give an answer.

"It's obvious you feel for him too Bella," says Emily squeezing my arm softly. She must be able to tell I'm getting both nervous and annoyed with all the questioning. Her calm voice and demeanor help relax me slightly. She will be such a great mother one day.

"Maybe it's a little more than just a feeling?" she leaves the question hanging in the air like some great secret truth, I know she's hoping for an answer, but when I don't say anything she smiles softly and continues. "It's okay to feel nervous and confused. Like you said you guys have an amazing friendship and you don't want to damage that. We all get that. But you know what Jake feels for you is not just some teenage crush." I break eye contact at that but she squeezes my arm again and I cant help but to look back at her. "It's also apparent that you have strong feelings for him too. The whole pack sees it and of course Jake knows this as well." I sigh, knowing she is right. Jake is positive that I have feelings for him and of course the pack would have read his mind.

I start shaking my head in protest and try to turn around.

"Just listen," barks Leah and her words come out like a command. I can't help but do what she says.

"Bella, honey," pleads Emily. "The guys can't hear us in here." I didn't even think of that. "The club is too full of noise and I doubt they are glued to the other side of the door eavesdropping."I giggle at that, the image of them, all so large and tall, with their ears glued to the door and trying to go unnoticed is nearly impossible. Since I didn't hear any of the girls in the bathroom mention anything of that nature I'm satisfied we are not being spied on.

"And what the whole pack is confused about is why you are in such denial about your feelings for Jake?" I stay quiet. I know it's smarter not to say anything.

"Is it something to do with that damn bloodsucker?" asks Leah crassly.

"Leah!"

"It's okay Em." I turn my gaze to Leah. "I loved him. And suddenly, one day, he just up and left me. He didn't even look sad. So no, Edward has nothing to do with anything." There's a few seconds of awkward silence before the dark shadow from Leah's face disappears and she nods.

"Well that's good because leaches are disgusting."

Emily shoots her a dirty look before speaking, "you know the guys can't wait to officially welcome you to the club," she announces excitedly.

"What club?" I ask quietly. _They have a club?_

"The werewolves and their mates club," says Leah bitterly. "You know you'd be like family. And any of the wolves would die to protect you. Not just Jake. Heck, I'd die to protect you. I wouldn't have any other choice. It's how we are designed."

"Wow, yeah, Emily mentioned this to me before." I didn't know what else to say. Dating a werewolf was serious stuff.

"So," began Leah and I cringed because I knew this tone. She's about to start prying inappropriately again. "Did Jake kiss you?"

"No. I didn't let him."

"So he did try!" they both blurted out at the same time.

"Okay, yes, he did try but when I made it clear I didn't want him to, he was a gentleman and didn't push it."_ Lies_. Of course I wanted him to kiss me but that was not allowed.

They were quiet, waiting for me to say more.

"It was nothing," I say, laughing humorlessly. I could hear the edge of defensiveness creeping in, boosting my confidence.

"You know he thinks about kissing you all the time but sometimes what he thinks about doing to you is much_ much_ dirtier." I groan, embarrassed, and Leah shrugs."It can be annoying."

"Okay,enough."

I was tired of this interrogation and just wanted to go back out to the club. I felt like I've spent more time in allies and bathrooms than the actual club. I also wanted to see what Jake and the guys were up to. I had a feeling he too was getting interrogated.

"Let's go find the guys."

"Okay,and sorry if we were being pushy. We're just nosey," admitted Leah.

"Yeah I got that."

I swung the door open and walked out into the throng of people. I walked into the crowd unsure of where I was supposed to go. The entire place was so packed I kept getting shoved and pushed every few seconds. I heard Leah's voice in my ear, "take my hand and follow me. The guys are upstairs." I followed her gaze to the second floor balcony and there, through the fog I could barely make out Paul grinning and waving us over. I grabbed Leah's hand, for some reason surprised her skin was just as hot as Jake's, and allowed her to lead us upstairs.

* * *

A few things :

Thank you to everyone who has left me a review about the last chapter. I know I didn't respond to everyone, but I want you to know I do read and keep in mind every single review. So thank you.

I'm sorry it took this long to post this chapter. In all honesty I had a hard time with it. I wrote several different versions, then wrote and re-wrote them again. Some versions were dirtier and way different than what you just read. But then I decided to pull back, scale everything down and keep to my original story line that I have in mind. Trust me I want them to get it on as much as you do!

This chapter was supposed to include the girls interaction with the pack upstairs but that portion isn't edited and to my liking yet so I have cut it out of this chapter. But it is already written and will be up soon.

The next chapter will also be in Bella's POV and will be the last chapter taking place at the club. So what I need you guys to do is tell me if you prefer the chapter after that to be in Jacob's or Bella's POV? I don't think I need to point out that a chapter in JPOV will be much different than a chapter from BPOV. If you have a preference tell me in the review section. I'll go with the majority vote.

I have finally given in to peer pressure from some of my readers and started up a twitter account. Please "follow" me for occasional musings on makeup, hair tips, new and cool music, and of course updates and sneak peaks about this story. Right now I have no followers and feel pretty pathetic tweeting to no one. twitter. com/jfkkorky


	23. hi

Im back and more chapters up very soon ! Thank you to everyone who never gave up on this story your reviews and private messages concinced me not to give up! I was in a pretty bad accident but im all better and I have missed Jacob and Bella so much ! Plenty of reading goodnes up soon XO XO 


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